Separated--Does Not Admit to OW

[P17]

WHERE should I start with boundaries?

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am going through a similar sitch with my W who is having an A with OM.

Right now I still have contact for her to see her step-D (ie. my D) and we have all that arranged at my house.

The cake eating and two women pursuing him is where I would start. Don't pursue anymore. That is a lot harder than it sounds and I still have major weaknesses over doing it now and again.

You can be loving and caring without the need to caretake for your H. Establish regular times for him to see the children but not with you. Again, difficult and I am guilty of this.

I would look at detaching from him as much as possible as again, you sound just like me. Still too attached and still too afraid to let go. See http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ particularly the part at the end about what Letting Go means. Your H needs to realise that his cake eating and fun with the OW has consequences for him and his family.

One of the boundaries I'd certainly be looking at is with the OW. Especially texting her while at his fathers funeral with you and his kids. That just doesn't seem right to me.