What should my next move be? Complete detachment and just let her go? Everyday I wake up and say thats what im going to do..but im struggling to stay strong..
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
What should my next move be? Complete detachment and just let her go?
Yes.
Right now, you don't offer her any reason to stay, and more reasons to go then she had to begin with.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Ive never abused my wife! I dont appreciate you saying that. Ive just been thru the worst 1 amd 1/2 of my life and on top of it I lost the person I thought would stick by my side thru the good and bad. It not all me! I know i need to improve and be a better person and man but im not all to blame.
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
Seriously, do you really want a person who stays with you out of pity?
Passive/aggressive relationships are doomed relationships. She is done dealing with that, so man up buddy and realize that you have to deal with her on a mature level.
Get your own life and SHOW that you don't need her pity for you to survive. You're too used to her soothing you and making you feel better whenever things go wrong. She doesn't want to be your mommy.
I know this from personal experience, so realize NOW that guilting her into doing anything for you is a big mistake.
Pretend it worked, then you're doomed to a R where your big control button is to act wounded and expect her to do whatever is needed to make you feel better. I DID that and it ended badly and I'm trying to fix what's left of the R. Stop doing that. Get to a C ASAP and talk about passive/aggressive relationships.
Do a 180 and stop expecting her to kiss your booboos and maybe she'll start showing some respect for you.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
Ive never abused my wife! I dont appreciate you saying that.
Look, I don't know you from Adam. But based on her responses, there seems to be more to her leaving then just being done with the R.
And abuse doesn't have to be physical. It looks like there is a pattern of you using guilt and manipulation on her. That might be a good place to start working on things.
Originally Posted By: ugetvince
Ive just been thru the worst 1 amd 1/2 of my life and on top of it I lost the person I thought would stick by my side thru the good and bad.
Yes, because no one else on this board feels hurt or betrayed because their partner hasn't been there for them, or is leaving them, or has been unfaithful to them. This is the wrong place to play that game.
Originally Posted By: ugetvince
It not all me! I know i need to improve and be a better person and man but im not all to blame.
But you can't control her, no matter how hard you try. All you can control in this relationship is you. If you change yourself, you can change the nature of the relationship.
Listen to Mark; get to an IC and start getting yourself sorted out, or this won't the only failed relationship in your life.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Its been ten days since my last post. Not much has changed only contact has been about the kids. I had another surgery since then but everything has checked out to be okay. finally good news. W has never asked about results or how im doing or what has doctor said. I find it very odd and cols but have bot said anything. Ive contonued to see me counsler and working out. Ive lost 26 pds so far.I went out ob Friday with a friens and had a good time. I had an urge tonight to call w and ask is this what she really wants but friend talked me out of it. ThANKS GOD. Somedays I feel like im making progress but I dont kmow id I am.....
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
What kind of insights have your counselor given you?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I continue on trying to detach. Somedays i feel like Im making progress some days and others still wondering what has happened. I know that i CAN only work on myself but I do hope that she is going to counseling. I ran into a friend of hers that she has known since she was 12. She asked how things were going and then told me as long as shes known my w she's never been happy. It was intresting to her that from someone close to her?
Me 39 W 33 Married 7yrs Together 10 2 children 3 and 1 Says"She's moving on with her life"
