Save my marriage to w she is moving on

[TrentC]

I empathizied with her and then asked because I cant drive right now if she would be willing to take me to my appt today.
She said very short via text" No i cant take you but I hope all is okay" Im very angry,pissed,upset.

OK, do you have a reason to be upset? Did she give you any other reason other than she couldn't?

You just said that you appreciated how flexible she was. Maybe she had something she couldn't get out of? Work? An appointment?

The doctor is very concerned and i cant believe with as serious as this might be she cant be there to help me.

You're flipping out over one incident on one day? We are talking about someone who's not sure she wants to be married to you right now.

I get that you're in pain and need help, but you might be expecting a wee bit too much from her at the moment.

Maybe im better off just letting this marriage end. She really doesnt care about me anymore? What am I doing trying to hang on to something that isnt there?

I'd say wait 48 hours before making any hasty decisions.

[ugetvince]

K I need to vent. I know I shouldnt feel the way I do and I dont want her pity. Im going thru some very serios health issues and my w knew that I had a follow up appt yesterday. Eight different people have called or email but she has not been one of them. What does this tell me. Kick well im down, Showing her true feelings, why im I hanging on to someone that obviously has no feelings for me!Everytime I think about it I want to scream..

[TrentC]

K I need to vent. I know I shouldnt feel the way I do and I dont want her pity. Im going thru some very serios health issues and my w knew that I had a follow up appt yesterday. Eight different people have called or email but she has not been one of them. What does this tell me. Kick well im down, Showing her true feelings, why im I hanging on to someone that obviously has no feelings for me!Everytime I think about it I want to scream..

I'm telling you, you are not in a good place to be making final decisions on temporary emotions. Try to work on your health issues (if they are not chronic) and think about this when you are stronger.

Might this be part of her problem with the R? She feels more like a mother or a nursemaid, and less like a wife? Without knowing any specifics of your medical condition, is there any way to be more self-reliant in your treatment?


Making these kinds of requests may feel like pursuing to her. You are demanding that she meet her responsbilities as a wife when she's not even sure she wants to stay married to you. I'd like to think that she would put your R issues aside long enough to help in your time of need, but not everyone can.

[ugetvince]

The health issues were sudden they arent chronic. I appreciate your input I just feel stuck. I feel like I have been making progress workinng on myself. Then when she came over the other day maybe I got my hopes up and I shouldnt have. I think I need to continue to move forward but i DONT THINK I will forget that she wasnt here for me and that resentment will not help my situation.

[TrentC]

The health issues were sudden they arent chronic. I appreciate your input I just feel stuck. I feel like I have been making progress workinng on myself. Then when she came over the other day maybe I got my hopes up and I shouldnt have.

You probably did, and you probably shouldn't have. It happens to all of us.

I think I need to continue to move forward but i DONT THINK I will forget that she wasnt here for me and that resentment will not help my situation.

All you do is hurt yourself by holding a grudge.

If you want to work things out with her, you will have no choice but to forgive her at some point.

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." -- Carrie Fisher

[ugetvince]

I have to got turn in paperwork today to respond to w legal seperation paperwork. Im wondering should i just respond with divorce or continue with legal sep? Were im at mentally I just want to throw in the towel and file for D. Im not making any progress and Im not in a good place about how I feel about her. I dont want to do something just as a reaction to my emotions. Any thoughts??

[ugetvince]

Its been a bad weekend. I already know what everyone is going to tell me but here I go.
First ive youve kept up with my sitch you know I ahd some major medical issues this past week. Ill know this week about further surgery but I think ill be okay.
If you read my prior post my w came aroung the day after my surgery but then a few days went by and I didnt hear from her again.
On friday I had to go back and forth to the court to try and file paperwork to my wife 30 seperation notice. At the end I find out that nothing acutual been filed because she failed to pay. Mentally I was not all there and feeling pretty shitty physically and mentally.
Then I get a text from w about dropping off the kids and if I cant handle them she would be willing to switch weekends. I was at the Doctors office when I got this message. I didnt want to rspond but mt emotions got the best of me and here is the convo that took place.
I wrote something like just left Doctors office youve no idea what Ive been thru this week. I hope you can look yourself in the mirror and be proud of the person youve become because I dont know who you are. You havent even bothered to see how im doing or find out about my test results?
She wrote"Remember this message the next time you have a breakdown. This is the reason I will never be with you ever again."
It got even worse from there with a couple of messages back and forth her last one stating. I guess you know how it feels now. u just see life as it is for you now. I tried to be there and got nothing in return."
The texted stopped and all conversation have been only about the kids. Back to square one. Ive been doing so well but I dont know how to move forward and act like nothing bothers me and that i shouldnt wonder were my w of 7 years shouldnt have some feeling of love and compassion. I know I shouldnt exspect that but I feel like im chasing something and I dont want to chase someone that doesnt even care about me anymore. Please advise

[ugetvince]

Ive been doing so well trying to detach and just moving om with my life. I feel like I took a big step backwards. Here is another one of her text that I cant figure out and all types of thoughts racing in my mind.
"All your text do is remind me who you are..think abouth that the next time you wonder were i am"
"thats how you talk to someone you love i will never believe anything u say."

[TrentC]

Then I get a text from w about dropping off the kids and if I cant handle them she would be willing to switch weekends. I was at the Doctors office when I got this message. I didnt want to rspond but mt emotions got the best of me and here is the convo that took place.

I wrote something like just left Doctors office youve no idea what Ive been thru this week. I hope you can look yourself in the mirror and be proud of the person youve become because I dont know who you are. You havent even bothered to see how im doing or find out about my test results?

She wrote"Remember this message the next time you have a breakdown. This is the reason I will never be with you ever again."

It got even worse from there with a couple of messages back and forth her last one stating.I guess you know how it feels now. u just see life as it is for you now. I tried to be there and got nothing in return."

Why the hell should she feel sorry for someone who tries to play the guilt card on her? Where do you get off talking to your wife like you're scolding a little girl?

The texted stopped and all conversation have been only about the kids. Back to square one. Ive been doing so well but I dont know how to move forward and act like nothing bothers me and that i shouldnt wonder were my w of 7 years shouldnt have some feeling of love and compassion.

As long as you feel that sense of entitlement, don't expect to get anywhere. I've said it 3 times now -- your wife is debating whether or not to get divorced from you; you need to tread lightly, and not pull crap like the text message you sent her to set that exchange off.

I know I shouldnt exspect that but I feel like im chasing something and I dont want to chase someone that doesnt even care about me anymore.

But you don't give her any reason to reconsider her decision; you keep trying to guilt her into feeling sorry for you and do things for you.

[TrentC]

Ive been doing so well trying to detach and just moving om with my life. I feel like I took a big step backwards. Here is another one of her text that I cant figure out and all types of thoughts racing in my mind.
"All your text do is remind me who you are..think abouth that the next time you wonder were i am"
"thats how you talk to someone you love i will never believe anything u say."

Sounds like she's got you pegged.

It makes me wonder if there's more to your story than meets the eye. Is there any history of abuse in your relationship?