Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

But then after a few drinks it just hit me. He was over by the bar and I went up to him and asked him what's up. He said why are you being so mean to me? I asked him why he is being mean to me? And he didn't say anything. I asked him why he hasn't talked to me at all tonight and he asked me the same. It was quite a ridiculous conversation.

You said you were going to go dressed to the nines and have fun without him, but when it came down to it you just had to say something to him. You can blame it on the alcohol if you want, but you know that was not the way to deal with that situation.

Then he said he was going and it upset me. It only upset me cause I saw the girl leaving too. I would not have been upset if she wasn't there or leaving at the exact same time. But with alcohol in me too, it really upset me.

The alcohol didn't spontaneously materialize in your stomach.

That's when I went against everything I believe in lately and pursued. It sucked I regret it.

Not enough to not do it, though. You keep saying that you get it, and that you're turning over a new leaf, and going to start living for yourself, but when it comes down to it you can't leave him alone.

He told me he went home, and I didn't believe it but ran into his sis today and she said he was home by 1100 which is right after he left the banquet. So surprisingly he didn't lie for once./quote]

Why the hell do you care if he lied or not? Because you're still letting his actions dictate your emotions.

[quote=britt54]So today he called and said we need to talk. I told him I wasn't home and he found me on the road (we live in a small city) and so I couldn't take off, so I stopped and he parked his truck and got in.

Bullshit! You could have kept on going, but you have to keep pick, pick, picking at that open wound. You have to keep letting him in to see if he's going to magically change his tune after over a month, and you keep letting yourself down.

So you invite me to YOUR work banquet,

Which you agreed to go to,

ignore me the whole time,

Which you weren't supposed to care about,

sit with another woman that has caused problems in the past,

Which you're not supposed to care about either, other than he can't have both of you at once.

He said that I reinforced the reason why he left me in the first place. As soon as we are at a function and he isn't sitting by me the whole night I get mad and ask why?

It sounds like he has you pegged, for once.

Well its a little different. It was uncomfortable enough going. He knew that, that's why he asked me three times to go cause I told him no cause it would be too uncomfortable. So when he insisted so much I assumed he would try a little to make me feel comfortable there. But he did the opposite and it bothered me.

So how is that mind-reading working out for you, anyway?

So now i'm sad, i've come so far and blew it with one question "why haven't you given me the time of day all night?" He said it today, I just wanted to walk away when you asked me that.

Because you pursued and pressured him, and you got exactly the reaction that people who pursue get; that we told you that you would get; that the book that you drove 2 1/2 hours to buy told you that you would get. But no, you had to try it anyway because maybe this once, pursuing would get you what you wanted. You want him to come back on your terms, and that is not going to happen. The sooner you understand that, the better for the both of you.

I felt like saying..really? you want to break up a new young family with two little boys over the rare occurence we go to a public event and you may have to talk to me while we are there?

No, he wants to break up his family because it sounds like he's getting the same attitude from you that made him want to leave in the first place.

I'm sorry but if he thinks in his next relationship they are going to be okay with going to events and not talking to their boyfriend/husband all night, he's got another thing coming. Well there's nothing I can do now. Its all said and done.

You said that last time. But you keep making the same stupid mistakes and expect to get different results.

He agreed and said maybe he'll stay at his father's this week with the boys or else stay at the house? Yep you heard it. Stay at our house. What the F? Is all I want to say. So he got out and said he'd call me later to discuss details. Well he just called, but I stalled and said I'd call him back. Cause I need desperate advice.

What do you want our advice for? We've been telling you to detach for weeks, and you won't do it. You keep chasing him around, letting him know exactly how you feel -- which I'm pretty sure hasn't changed much in the past month or so -- and letting him jerk your chain.

P.S. Do you think this one night of pursuing and showing him a little side of me he hoped changed is sure to doom our marriage? I feel like it is right now. I don't know what to do! Thanks so much for any advice you may give.

You know what to do; you refuse to do it because you think it's too much work. You want him to come running back to you and you haven't given him any reason to.

You need to get a new IC that will stop letting you pull this crap. You should look into getting on an anti-anxiety medication if you really can't control your feelings.

You work the DB plan; every time you do you get results, and every time you flip back you backslide.