I really need some support. I am at the end of my rope, and I feel like I'm going to do something rash. If you look back a bit in this thread, my W and I last talked a few weeks ago, and I told her I was at a fork in the road. She said she likes how I've changed, and she likes how we are now, but that she doesn't trust it yet and needs more time. I told her I could understand that, but I wouldn't live in some crazy open marriage, as we had just delayed our legal separation under the assumption that our M still had hope. She is now stalling big time. Granted, we were all very sick for the last couple weeks, and only now are we back in good health.
On Halloween, I was being quite distant regarding my plans for trick or treating with the kids, and she called me on it. She said she knows when something is bothering me. I said it's a lot bigger than our plans for Halloween. She said she knows, and that she appreciated my patience while she was sick, and that we need to talk, but then she started stalling more, saying that I shouldn't deal with it when I'm still sick, and that then I won't want to deal with it before my marathon, etc, etc, etc. I said I'm fine and I don't care about any of that.
I'm patiently waiting for her to initiate a R talk, as I don't think I should extend myself to do so. Her demeanor and body language toward me is very positive, so why won't she talk? She is reaching out to me in some ways, asking me about my life, being supportive about the marathon, very complimentary toward me. My son's basketball team I'm coaching is doing awesome, and she said "H, you are a great coach." She says she is so proud of me training for the marathon, and she wishes it was closer so she could go and bring the kids to watch. Each time we part, she makes sure to give a little special connection with the goodbye, and initiates physical contact, i.e. hand on my arm, playfully pushing my shoulder, etc. WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON????
I am keeping my distance, and actually blowing her off. I can't take it any more. I've got nothing left. Something inside of me just refuses to bring up the R talk. From where I sit, her refusal to bring it up says everything I need to know. She hasn't broken it off with OM and she doesn't want to. At this point I want to just assume she's straight out telling me that, and I'm acting accordingly. I'm distancing myself, and I want to initiate D proceedings. Does she really think I'd tolerate her behavior forever? Maybe so, since I've never really called her on it before.
Once again, I'm stuck between DBing my WAW, and dealing with a wayward wife. I think it's about time I treated her according to her behavior. I went to a party last night thrown by a woman who, if I had to guess, I would say is interested in me. There are better options out there. Why don't I just leave my screwed up W and M behind and find something new?
