Can I save my marriage?

[Lll54]

Well it was so hard. I was doing so good the whole night. I was having fun with my friends. The night was going so good. There was no controversy. I was dancing away, socializing. It was great. But then after a few drinks it just hit me. He was over by the bar and I went up to him and asked him what's up. He said why are you being so mean to me? I asked him why he is being mean to me? And he didn't say anything. I asked him why he hasn't talked to me at all tonight and he asked me the same. It was quite a ridiculous conversation. Then he said he was going and it upset me. It only upset me cause I saw the girl leaving too. I would not have been upset if she wasn't there or leaving at the exact same time. But with alcohol in me too, it really upset me. That's when I went against everything I believe in lately and pursued. It sucked I regret it. But I was a bottle of emotions and was having a hard time deal. I asked him to come home with me and he denied. I knew he was he had his buddy waiting in the truck. He couldn't veer away from peer pressure. He told me he went home, and I didn't believe it but ran into his sis today and she said he was home by 1100 which is right after he left the banquet. So surprisingly he didn't lie for once.

So today he called and said we need to talk. I told him I wasn't home and he found me on the road (we live in a small city) and so I couldn't take off, so I stopped and he parked his truck and got in. He just asked me why I was crying at the banquet. The guys at hockey today filled him in. I told him one of the girls mentioned our sitch and it brought tears to my eyes that was it. Not a big deal. He said it made him look like an jerk. Really? So you invite me to YOUR work banquet, ignore me the whole time, sit with another woman that has caused problems in the past, I cry, and I made YOU like like the jerk? Really? How fair is that? He said that I reinforced the reason why he left me in the first place. As soon as we are at a function and he isn't sitting by me the whole night I get mad and ask why? Well its a little different. It was uncomfortable enough going. He knew that, that's why he asked me three times to go cause I told him no cause it would be too uncomfortable. So when he insisted so much I assumed he would try a little to make me feel comfortable there. But he did the opposite and it bothered me. That's why I asked him, also cause the alcohol was talking a bit. I won't deny that. So now i'm sad, i've come so far and blew it with one question "why haven't you given me the time of day all night?" He said it today, I just wanted to walk away when you asked me that. I felt like saying..really? you want to break up a new young family with two little boys over the rare occurence we go to a public event and you may have to talk to me while we are there? I'm sorry but if he thinks in his next relationship they are going to be okay with going to events and not talking to their boyfriend/husband all night, he's got another thing coming. Well there's nothing I can do now. Its all said and done.

While in my truck he asked to come get the boys tonight for his 4 days on. But I said no. I ran into BIL today where he is staying and he voiced to me that its getting to be too much with H there. They have two little girls under 2 and you add my two little boys under 3 and the house gets chaotic. I agreed that it would. So I voiced that to H today, saying they need to go there as little as possible its not fair to his sis and her family. He agreed and said maybe he'll stay at his father's this week with the boys or else stay at the house? Yep you heard it. Stay at our house. What the F? Is all I want to say. So he got out and said he'd call me later to discuss details. Well he just called, but I stalled and said I'd call him back. Cause I need desperate advice.

P.S. Do you think this one night of pursuing and showing him a little side of me he hoped changed is sure to doom our marriage? I feel like it is right now. I don't know what to do! Thanks so much for any advice you may give.