New here, this is my story...

[TrentC]

She got very angry that I wasn't fighting back. She told me to yell because it felt good. I told her I saw no value in that and if divorce was our only choice, I was not going to get angry with her.

This is good. If you don't fight back, she can't push away from you. (It's also childish to say that you should yell because "it feels good"; not everyone has to throw a tantrum to express their emotions. Good for you for not rising to the bait.)

This Friday my W had a sleepover for our 11 yo daughter. 5 11 yo girls. She didn't tell me about it (but I knew) until Friday morning when she needed help. like a fool, I agreed. I bought supper, snacks, movies and even breakfast. I worked with her and her sister and it went pretty smooth. I was feeling pretty good. I left early, didn't linger. I did tell her that if she needed anything to call. our little boy was pretty sick and we thought he might need to go into the dr.

Sat morning she called ans said they needed eggs. like a fool again, I ran and got eggs and went over and made breakfast.

I stayed to finsih cleaning up the yard for winter and was asked to watch our little boy while she took the girls out. I agreed.

OK, I have to ask; what exactly was your thinking here? You basically rolled over and showed your belly here. This might be part of the reason your wife has no respect for you; because she can treat you like crap, and you come back asking for more.

Before she left she was asking about bills. I was explaining things to her and things got heated. She mentioned advertising the house more and I asked her to suggest where we put it in the budget. She got angry that I wasn't just figuring this out for her.

But you did the next best thing. She's a grown woman, she should be able to figure out how to pay bills. Worst-case scenario, you give her copies of the past few months' worth of bills and tell her to figure it out yourself.

I asked her if she would consider counseling this week and she flat out said no. She got upset and yelled at me to get upset. I asked her if it would help if I got upset, because if it would, I would get very upset. Well, I got upset.

That was f*cking stupid. Why in the hell did you do that? She's been trying to push you into a shouting match for days, why did you have to go and give it to her?

We argued and I asked her if she was not willing to go to counseling and if things were "over" and there was "no chance" why she hadn't filed yet. She said she would file when she was "damn good and ready".

Then you say "fair enough", walk out of the house, and don't speak to her again unless it has to do with kids. You don't freakin' clean up her yard for her, you don't run errands for her.

At one point she said "If we get divorced..." and I stopped her. I told her she keeps telling me there is no hope, but she says things like that all the time. She asked "like what" and I repeated what she said "IF we get divorced". She got angry and said "WHEN we get divorced".

So you pushed her, and got the answer you apparently wanted. Congratulations.

I should have walked away. I didn't.

I told her that we had two choices. We can go to counseling and fix this marriage or we can get divorced. I would like to go to counseling. She again said no. So I said "then file, I can't stay in limbo any longer".

She got very angry and said "I've been in limbo for 4 years, do you think I give a sh!t that you've been in limbo for 2 months?".

I asked her if she was waiting for me to file. If that is what she wanted. She said no.

She was leaving, upset, and I let her go.

And this is why you don't initiate R talks, and you try to shut them down as fast as you can (unless they are of the "I want to work things out" variety). You pushed and pushed, and played right into her script.

When she came home, I was getting ready to leave. I asked her if she would file this week and she talked about money problems. I told her that was fine, I would do it then. She said she had the paperwork all ready. I told her I did too and she looked like she would kill me, so I left.

I went to work and printed two copies; one a joint petition and the other a individual petition for me. I was going to get this process started one way or the other this week.

And now you're even going to let her off of the hook by busting your marriage up for her.

Again, it's no wonder that she has no respect for you; she can make you dance to her tune, and thank her for the privilege.