Going straight forward...antlers 5th thread.

[iwantittowork]

Hey antlers, still following your sitch. Been busy myself, but keep the positive thoughts going, and they will help you out.

Hope you have a good day, you're not alone here, so keep posting. I am moving into D process myself, so hope to be able to share and support with you guys in the same spot...

[antlers]

Hi iwantittowork.

I'm tryin' to stay busy too. I'm tryin' to be as positive as I can under the circumstances.

Thanks for the good thoughts.

Sorry you're on the path that you're currently on.

It's hard to choke down the abject rejection that I feel from someone who once cared about me.

[mnt_dreams]

I know I'm gonna be OK...I just wish things hadn't happened that DID happen. Puttin' forth more effort to focus on myself and my healing and recovery...and loving my kiddos as much as I can...and being the best dad to them that I can.

Just reminding you of what you said... 'cause it's true! You are gonna be OK - keep your focus where it is.

[Lll54]

"I have been wondering why I have always felt such intense emotions about everything? Why do I agonize over events that others just live with?"

Well put. This is the exact way I feel. Others on here are hitting me with 2x4's because of it. We do this to ourselves because we CHOOSE to. Others choose to just live with it. We don't. We haven't detached, we haven't dropped our expectations, we haven't let go in any sort of way. Until we do that we are going to live in agony and feel these intense emotions. I learned that tonight. Took me 6 weeks, but I did. I sometimes don't feel as strong as some people on here who have a much worse situations, but really I am as strong. I am just choosing not to be. I think you are too. We need to look at things differently and find a strength that comes from choice. We didn't choose the situation we're in, but we can choose how to go about the situation we're in now. It sucks. I know. But "you gotta do what you gotta do." The same thing I said to my H the day he left.

[antlers]

I know I'm gonna be OK...I just wish things hadn't happened that DID happen. Puttin' forth more effort to focus on myself and my healing and recovery...and loving my kiddos as much as I can...and being the best dad to them that I can.

Just reminding you of what you said... 'cause it's true! You are gonna be OK - keep your focus where it is.

I appreciate it mnt_dreams. I think it's a good focus to have.

Are you doing OK?

[antlers]

"I have been wondering why I have always felt such intense emotions about everything? Why do I agonize over events that others just live with?"

Well put. This is the exact way I feel. Others on here are hitting me with 2x4's because of it. We do this to ourselves because we CHOOSE to. Others choose to just live with it. We don't. We haven't detached, we haven't dropped our expectations, we haven't let go in any sort of way. Until we do that we are going to live in agony and feel these intense emotions. I learned that tonight. Took me 6 weeks, but I did. I sometimes don't feel as strong as some people on here who have a much worse situations, but really I am as strong. I am just choosing not to be. I think you are too. We need to look at things differently and find a strength that comes from choice. We didn't choose the situation we're in, but we can choose how to go about the situation we're in now. It sucks. I know. But "you gotta do what you gotta do." The same thing I said to my H the day he left.

I agree with what you're saying here. I think we have the power...we just have to exercise that power. We gotta focus on ourselves and our healing and recovery, first and foremost...and completely let go of outcomes.

[antlers]

It's hard for me to comprehend that she's so committed to the divorce. She has gotten as mean as she was about 6 - 7 months ago. A few times since then I actually felt like things were thawing some with her, but she would always come back out of it with a vengeance. She walked all over me during the separation, and now that the divorce is in progress, and I'm not rolling over anymore like I did, she gets unbelieveably pissed off. Things are sure screwed up.

[confusedinpa]

Antlers,

I know this may be hard to stomach, but a Divorce is about destruction. It's sad to fathom, but it's about the destruction of everything you and your WAW has created.

It's hard to imagine, but my cousin told me that I need to treat her as the enemy. This is the war where there are no winners. What we need to focus on now is how to minimize the fall out on the innocent (the children).

So what I'm focusing on is how to make sure the boys and I are as whole as possible after the destruction of what was built up over the past decade. We can't save it all, but we can make sure the future for us and our boys will be the best.

We owe this for ourselves as well as our boys. Get a good lawyer that can help keep your emotions in check and treat this as a business negotiations.

Things are screwed up because of the choices the WAW had made. Whatever role we had played, we have tried to atone for our mistakes. In the end, nothing we say or do now will hurt more than when our children cast their own judgement on what really caused the divorce.

Stay strong and protect yourself and your children..

[antlers]

Thanks CIPA. I don't disagree with a single thing that you said above.

Being compassionate and understanding by DB'n didn't do a single thing for our relationship after she made the decision to leave...BUT it does help me. It's helped me to become more compassionate and understanding. It's helped me to become better.

Thank you for your post. You stay strong and protect yourself and your children too.

[antlers]

Antlers,

I know this may be hard to stomach, but a Divorce is about destruction. It's sad to fathom, but it's about the destruction of everything you and your WAW has created.

It's hard to imagine, but my cousin told me that I need to treat her as the enemy. This is the war where there are no winners. What we need to focus on now is how to minimize the fall out on the innocent (the children).

So what I'm focusing on is how to make sure the boys and I are as whole as possible after the destruction of what was built up over the past decade. We can't save it all, but we can make sure the future for us and our boys will be the best.

We owe this for ourselves as well as our boys. Get a good lawyer that can help keep your emotions in check and treat this as a business negotiations.

Things are screwed up because of the choices the WAW had made. Whatever role we had played, we have tried to atone for our mistakes. In the end, nothing we say or do now will hurt more than when our children cast their own judgement on what really caused the divorce.

Stay strong and protect yourself and your children..

BTW...this is a very insightful post CIPA...and one that I agree with wholeheartedly. In certain situations, I think, you MUST adopt this type of mindset and attitude.