Ok, first thing you need to move back in your bedroom. From what you say your W is drinking, not taking her meds, and possible OM. And you are the one to move out of the bed and suffer consequences from that?? No, no, no. You should move back and let her have the option of moving elsewhere (another room or apt.) if she would like.
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D17 snuck downstairs and listened to about an hour of our conversations which basically consisted of me saying I was sorry my wife was in so much pain and that I was ashamed that I been blind to it, and she saying that she wants to move on..somehow.
Ok, no more apologizing or I'm sorries for your wife's pain. Her pain or happiness is decided by her, not you. I suspect the drinking, not taking her meds, and maybe guilt if she is having an EA or PA, would be the most likely sources of her pain right now. Nothing for you to apologize for. You shouldn't be ashamed for not noticing your W's hiding her drinking from you. She worked actively to keep you in the dark, and I believe we tend to trust our loved ones.
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She spends a lot of time telling me that she'll make sure I have health insurance and that I'm "taken care of". I suspect that if I offered to move out and get an apartment she would leap at it.
DON'T do that!!! I think she has to work on her drinking and other issues, but your following her script and suffering the consequences that she should be suffering is not a good idea.
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We are spending money on MC, but I'm wondering if it's a waste and I should drop it completely as I focus on GAL. Is she just doing it to appease D17, or to further her goal of us staying in the house together.
My guess would be both. It doesn't sound like she's really interested in saving the marriage right now, more that she is interested in cake-eating.
I think at some point, you will have to do something about her drinking. She may need to move out if it's unhealthy for your children; I don't believe an active alcoholic is a fit parent in most cases. Maybe something to discuss with your MC? I think you probably need IC more than MC right now; but your MC is providing that for you?
