Depressive WAW or Depressive MLC?- both with an EA

[TrentC]

You have certainly got me thinking.
I will take a little time to digest what you say.
It would feel so 'final' to tell her no contact.
She would not go down the no-contact route. At the moment it would be a futile boundary as she would not try to make it happen.
Why ask for something that will not happen.

Because boundary-setting is not about controlling her behavior, it's about making her aware of your limitations and the repercussions of not respecting them.

"I will not live in an open marriage; I married you with the expectation that we would not share each other. If you want to be with me, you have to cut off all contact with him AND agree to a transparency plan. If not, then go and be with him and I will file for divorce."

Why not wait until the time is right and she may do the 'no contact', there would be more chance of it happening.

The right time is NOW. You tell her that it's your way or the highway.

It also seems to be a 'one use' tactic/boundary. You cant ask for it twice.

By George, I think he's got it. You tell her that it's you or this guy, and she has 5 minutes to make up her mind.

If she chooses you, she has to agree to allow you to verify that she has broken off contact. This is necessary to rebuild trust.

No I have not set the boundary of her being with OM. As I said before, it is an R of convenience, college/car/place to sleep/open ear, ect.

Well, if it is a relationship of convenience, then there should be no problem with her giving it up, right? if there's really no EA or PA involved?

I agree with Steve; you are lying to yourself to feel better about what your wife is doing, because of course she's not that kind of person.