Not sure about that, nor do I want to satisfy what she wants.
My reply would be to state where I am, andwhat I want, especially on the request for money, not to she how she will react, because I truly do not care about that.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Focus on your actions, not her reactions. When you focus on external outcomes that are beyond your immediate control, you give up control of your emotions.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
That was the thoughts behind why I was going to reply in the way I was. To set down what I want, IE, my actions, and they are to try and nip this stuff now, and that I won't accept these little things she is throwing out there,
No emotion behind that, and no expectation of anything from her side. She will understand my position, though, clearly.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
where you on this computer today? everything was closed and ss17 is out of town since yesterday morning, no one else uses this screen for any reason?
Your response: No, I was not on the computer today (or yesterday). I have my own computer.
Quote:
d8's piano lessons are $66. this month.
Your response: And the support check I just sent you is $___. This week.
I know exactly where you are coming from and why you would want to respond to your W the way you are suggesting. These kind of exchanges occasionally happen between my W and me as well. It's just her attempt to gin things up with you in her own passive-aggressive way. I'd suggest keeping your responses short, simple and to the point. The more wordy or explanatory the response from you to these types of communications from your W will: 1)suggest you still care about her or what she is doing, 2) suggest she can still provoke you, 3) may imply that you are somehow "guilty" of an accusation and/or are trying to "hide" something from her.
Quote:
I am an IT guy buy trade, so I can see how she would think I have access to her computer, however, when I left, I made sure no-one had access but someone physically in front of the machine, and I now live an hour away. I specifically set it up this way so this would not happen, nor would I even be tempted to try and find out what she is doing.
I would suggest keeping this to yourself. I can understand why you did what you did, but telling your W that you have made changes to what is now her computer could be misconstrued by your W later down the road.
Have a great weekend!
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________
BJ, thanks for your thoughts, they help clarify what I am thinking about, and I like what your saying.
Towards that, I picked up d8 this AM at the house, and all I can say is DAMN*T THIS IS HARD!!!
Walking into what used to be our marital home at 9am and STBXW is completely made up to go out, walking around in her high heel flip flop shoes, and looking like a GD beauty queen in tight jeans and tight sweater is enough to flip my switches.
I don't know how I can play it cool, but I do, and I make a point to not say any damn thing to her other than issues about d8, clothing for d8, class schedule for d8, etc, nor stare are her, or anything else..
I make sure I DO NOT say anything about the stupid email she sent me this past week, nor does she even bring it up, or how she looks, etc.
The whole damn time though, I am actually shaking from this whole stupid exchange. I can feel the nerves just vibrating it is so intense.
Leaving and focusing on d8 today is calming to my nerves after that, and I'll be dropping off d8 at school on Monday so that makes it easier too.
Sheesh, I need more time to get over this, that's for sure...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
How many times have you been told on this site, to look your best, smell good, look hot and have a place to go, be active, confident, with the air that you are moving on. and donot let your wife's behavior get to you,
But Nooooooooooooooooooo.......
She's looking hot, going out, busy, moving on and messing with your head electronically. Was she on this site prior to the 'bomb?'
Actually SM, I noticed the similarities months ago too.
I did all the above after the bomb, the STBXW was just months ahead of me.
The difference has been, she's out to attract someone else.
I was hoping to try and attract her back.
But, in the end, I have lost 40+ lbs, look better than I have in years, feel better physically, make sure I am dressed sharp, smell good, and I have done more in the past 6 months for myself than the last 5 years combined, including GAL activities.
And that's for me, and not really for STBXW or anyone else.
However, I am about a year behind my STBXW...
But who's counting...
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Tonight I am going to be at d8's schools for a function, and STBXW will be there as well.
I plan on focusing on d8 specifically, and little to no interaction with STBXW.
Friday we have first court hearing on temporary orders. I have found myself wondering how that will turn out.. It's bad to project and wonder like that, living in the future, and at least it's getting easier to notice when I do that, and pull myself back to the present.
Still working on that....
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Tonight I am going to be at d8's schools for a function, and STBXW will be there as well.
I plan on focusing on d8 specifically, and little to no interaction with STBXW.
Friday we have first court hearing on temporary orders. I have found myself wondering how that will turn out.. It's bad to project and wonder like that, living in the future, and at least it's getting easier to notice when I do that, and pull myself back to the present.
Still working on that....
So, focus on your D tonight and let yourself have fun. And, don't worry about the hearing on Friday - you can't control what happens anyway.
Oh, and look your absolute best. Clothes, smell, and PMA. Who knows who might want to talk to you at the school function - maybe another mom? Nothing wrong with being sociable around the opposite sex, esp. when it's in front of STBXW.
