Slept with XH, help!!

[Augtan]

Huge set back tonight! I was not having a good day, just really sad and depressed. XH calls for S10 and I start talking to him...big mistake! It didn't go well. He said "I am moving on with my life and you need to do the same, I am not going to talk to you about anything but the kids, I don't want to know about your personal life so I am not going to share mine with you." That was the jist...I never asked him about his personal life, I was just asking why his attitude towards me had changed so much in a matter of a few days. I said a lot I shouldn't and everything he says just hurts so much. I hadn't really talked to him in a long time, and I told him I was just letting him process everything like he told me he needed to. At one point he wanted to tell me something and didn't, I really think it has to do with OW. They have not been together all weekend, but I give that nothing. I fully expect him to call up one day soon and say they are married, I have to make myself think the worst case senerio from now on!! I am not getting my hope up when it comes to him anymore. I admit after his visit I did get my hopes up because I did see my H, the real H, not my XH, when he was up here.

I want so badly to just forget he exisits as he has done to us, but I just don't know how to do that, I am not that kind of person. I know I am doing so much better and just had a set back today, but it is so hard sometimes. I just can't understand how he just threw us to the curb and if OW is gone why he won't reach out to me as his friend.

I did meet some fun people over the weekend and I now really feel if I would just get out there I would meet more and maybe be able to GAL even more and move on. One day at a time and as I move 3 steps forward, I might take 1 step back. It is a healing process and when you have loved someone for 21 years and they change overnight...I think it is a longer one!

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