Wow, I see what you mean. To go from the doting/loving father to just MIA, is such a switch. For me, H's little amount of time with S has been the norm since S was born. Well, I guess the good thing is that you know he is the ability to be a good father if he ever gets his act together. I don't even know that much from my H. That's what gets me too, I know we can't control it, but I get frustrated that it seems like the little time H does have with S, he's on his phone texting (I don't know have access to the phone records, so I can't tell who, but I can only imagine. Probably a good thing tho, I don't need that additional torture). I guess it's going back to how we want to protect S's, but I just want to yell at him, get off your phone & just focus on your S for once! Grr. I think I'm just a little exasperated right now...
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
I went out with all of my couple friends at church (really hard being the only one without a significant other, but no one my age that is single at church) for my friends 30th birthday. No plans today. S and I cleaned the house and raked leaves. I am physically not doing well. I am very dizzy, headache, soar throat, neck and back ache, but no fever so I am sure it is nothing, but the dizziness is starting to worry me, but no time for that.
H finally text me. He said "I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I wanted to say hi and hope that you have a good day". I just responded "thanks I hope you do too". I wanted to be kind, but unlike normal I did not respond to the "you probably don't want to hear from me". Then he asked about the time for S's ear, nose, throat doctor appointment and about the cell bill because it got lowered. I confirmed the time of the doctors appointment and let him know the bill is less because the credit on the activation fee came through. He then asked if he could go to the doctor's appointment. I said ok. That was it. Usually I would ask about his day or see how he was doing, but I just answered questions nicely and that was that.
Now I am watching the ND game on TV and I am sad. H always said how his favorite time of year was football season because since S has been born, I worked the home ND games at our church concession stand that I ran. It was H/S daddy time. H loved it and so did S. H even said how he missed it the first game, but has never once asked to be with S since for a game, instead he goes to all the games with OW. It saddens me. Between that, not feeling well and honestly starting to worry about it, and the fact that my dad was in the Navy (ND vs. Navy game today) before he died. I am doing a lot of crying. My dad if he was alive would have gone to H and tore him a new one because I was his little girl and always protected me. (he was not the best husband to my mom, physically and sexually abusive, but he was a great father). I really miss him on days like today...I just feel very alone today and sad.
It is ok because tomorrow after church it is family time to celebrate my little sister's 21st birthday. No drinking although we will tease her.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
There seems to be a lot of flu and colds going around right now! My mom, me, and S all woke up with sore throats, headaches, etc. Just take care of yourself and do not overdue it, especially with the dizziness. Hopefully, since you are with your family tomorrow, they can help watch S a bit, so you can have a little break. Happy Birthday to your sister! =) Today is my mom's birthday, so my sis is coming over too & we're having a nice dinner. Always fun!
It sounds like you did excellent in your interaction with H today. It's great news that he made the initial contact "just to say hi". Always a good sign that he's thinking about/missing you. And your responses were straight forward and to the point. I'm sure he was suprised that you didn't ask about him as usual, so hopefully that will get him thinking. Glad to hear that he wants to go to the dr appt with you, but it's still such a shame that he has given up on his time with S, espeically the fb game times.
I know it's a lot right now. Just feel some small satisfaction in your successes today and use that to give you strength. I hope you feel better soon!
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
Had a good/bad night. S slept on the floor next to my bed so that is a step in him not being so upset about H leaving again. He wanted to sleep with a bunch of his stuffed animals and I said not on the bed so he wanted to sleep on the floor with them. Maybe next month it can be in his own bed with his stuffed animals.
Bad night because I did not sleep well due to not feeling well. Still no fever, but stuffy nose, tired, slight sore throat, stiff neck...etc. I am watching it to make sure I don't have the flu because H1N1 is going around my area a lot, but I think it is just a cold.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Hope you are feeling better. I had to laugh about S sleeping on the floor with stuffed animals. D10 has several hundred stuffed animals, both here and at the house with W. She routinely sleeps with 20 or so in her bed.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Thanks for the thoughts...i am actually feeling worse. I feel like I have a fever, but it is not showing on the thermometer. My neck is sore, so is my throat and back. I am a little concerned because last Thursday an old friend passed away from flu, which turned into pneumonia and got worse. Then while her mom drove her to the hospital, she passed away in her mom's car. Then another 17 year old that worked with my church yesterday at our concession stand died last night. They think it was his heart, but they are not sure. I just don't want something serious to be wrong with me, but at hte same time I don't want to go to the doctor for no reason, especially with no fever or coughing.
Other news. I text H to ask to come to church because my little sister was singing and they were always close. I asked him not to text me back and either come or not. I hoped he would come, but expected he wouldn't, and of course he didn't, but the good thing is that it didn't get me down or bother me. Tomorrow is S's doctor's appointment. I will see H then, but I will still just be nice, positive, and upbeat around him. So I guess a good thing that him not coming did not bother me.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Just keep an eye on yourself. If you don't start feeling better in the next day or two, definitely take yourself in to the dr. (Or you could at least call the dr office and explain the symptoms and ask if you should go in). With all the stuff going around right now, you don't to risk it.
Good for you about really embracing the 'no expectations' thing. I'm trying, but I'm still having a little trouble not being bummed out about the duck feeding outing, especially since he initiated it, but I'm trying to just let it go. But yeah, for tomorrow, definitely use that time that you finally have with him face to face to show him the best you possible! But also going along the same lines as above, there's always the possibility that he bails out on you again. That will be a difficult one as it again relates directly to S, but just be prepared for that senario as well. Hoping for the best though! =)
Hope you and S will both be feeling better soon!
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
Good news. S went to sleep by himself tonight without me in the room. He is still sleeping on the floor in my room, which I feel bad about, but at least he is starting to feel safe enough to fall asleep by himself and not in my bed. Small Steps!
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89