Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Ah, but then things went downhill just because I saw W. There was a cool event at church so even though it's W's weekend, I asked if I could take the girls.

They wanted to go. We had a great time. Then I dropped them off, but she wanted me to sign some flu shot papers before I could leave.

So I was there for a couple of minutes -- and my resolve crumbled, although she couldn't see. That beautiful face. The house was clean. She used the time at church to rake the yard.

We're almost at six months out and when I see her, I see no change in her resolve.

I left to play cards and haven't been able to focus for the rest of the day.

True detachment is seeing her and being able to handle it.

Here's another small addition that may be adding to it. On the way to church, D10 said she asked W if she missed me. W told her she wasn't going to talk to her about whether she's made a final decision before talking to me since it affects me.

Lots of little things adding up to her filing soon. I keep telling myself, and sometimes I believe it, that I'm looking forward to the filing because financially a divorce is better than the limboland I'm living in.

But I'm guessing the actual day I receive the papers will be another tough one.