She confesses that she has been hiding her drinking from me, and the she has been drinking herself to sleep for years to handle her pain. We ended that nights conversation with me saying I wanted to work on the M, but I would cooperate with her, and her saying she needed time to "find herself" and that "she doesn't know what she wants".
Sounds like your W is an alcoholic, and blaming you for many (most, all?) of her problems. And prob. good chance of an EA/PA. I do think addictive personalities like your W are more prone to affairs.
I do not believe in any way that you are responsible for her alcoholism. She is responsible for that. Have you talked to her about AA? I don't think it is possible to have a good or healthy marriage when one is an active alcoholic. Maybe Al-anon for you?
Good for you on not moving out. You shouldn't. Your W is the one that should be having consequences for her actions. You don't mention kids; do you have them?
