Since depression is often misread as "laxiness", the biggest 180 you can do is simply show yourself to be active whenever you are around her. Be your best when in her presence........ but my point is that your W is probably use to seeing you in more inactive things such as being on the computer (which is fine if you are on DB board...lol)
I agree 100% on laxiness part, this is probably the biggest 180 that I need to do. I was depressed and in need of therapy PRIOR to the bomb and the bomb and the A has really knocked me in deep, so deep, I sometimes wonder if it is possible to be happy again. I have done a lot of thinking over the past few days and I still don't know where she is with OM right now but all I can do is try spend time making myself as good as I possibly can. In some ways, I can see that she still thinks of me as this procrastinating indecisive guy. I mentioned to her that I am going to finish this lingering home remodeling project and start to get back into guitar lessons and she looks at me with this look in her eye that says "yeah right". Maybe you are right, getting off of the couch and going on these things is the way to go. I had an appt. with a personal trainer at the gym yesterday and they are setting me up with some realistic goals for weight loss and strength training. This is a goal I have wanted for me for a long time and is another thing that she said I always talk about and never follow through on.
It's funny you mention about the DB forum. I sometimes sit in the living room posting using my phone, maybe this makes me look "mysterious" to her! Couldn't hurt if she thinks I am texting OW I guess.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
It is important that you discipline yourself to GAL. Yes, I said discipline...b/c if you still struggle with signs of depression, then more than likely, you don't want to get a life b/c you won't feel like it, but it is so important to do it.
This is true, I don't feel like GAL right now. I am so depressed and sleep deprived that I must look like crap. It is hard to want to go out when you are not feeling your best. I was actually thinking another 180 for me might be to do some volunteer work on the weekends. I have always been a little on the selfish side and I would be happier with me if that weren't the case. Maybe volunteering will allow me to help others out while getting the benefit of helping vault me out of my funk. I am starting to see a lot of the personal growth opportunities that come along with the sitch that I am in.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Showing a sunny personality (or at least your best side) when you are within see & hearing distance of her is very important.
Doing OK with this and the not moping, crying, etc. I think that is the only DB thing that I have done right so far!
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Your biggest test will be fear. You will be afraid to trust these techniques b/c they are a 180 for you, and doesn't feel normal. But you must trust it. What were doing wasn't working. That is why you are here.
The most attractive man to any woman is one who is very confident in himself. It brings out the female in her. So, even if you have to fake it till you make it.....so be it.
I do harbor a lot of fear right now. I am afraid of losing my W, afraid of being alone, and afraid of the loss of financial security. It will be a big confidence boost for me if I can get over these fears and just learn to thrive whether she decides to leave or not. I read something in someone else's post the other day that describes how I feel to a T. I feel like a "broken man" right now.
