I thing "going dark" can mean a number of things. For some it means NO contact unless it is about the children or business type matters. For others it means NO contact at ALL. For some it means going dark on all R talks and setting very firm boundaries that you must be prepared to enforce if they are not honored. For others it means to take ALL the focus off your WAS and situation and focus 120% on you and you only.
Going dark, IMO, doesn't have to be some dramatic gesture or declaration. Last summer my H e-mailed me a long message and not only did I wait almost a week to respond, when I did it was one short phrase.... "have a great summer!". Within minutes he responded back saying he had never heard me be so vague and why would I not tell him what was going on with me. I never responded to his query. That example of "going dark" was subtle yet sent a very clear message.
Going dark is situational to each individual I think. It's not to be nasty or unkind or further add to the conflict. It's a way to create space, healthy boundaries and focus on things in a new way. That is how I view it, others may have a more clear cut definition.
