Reading about your night with H & it has a different tone to it that I can't really pin-point.
Quote:
The discussion ended with him saying "You are asking me to be someone else. This is me and I cant be any different". He said he cant be affectionate, tender, sweet talk to me, "it's not his style". He absolutely offered no compromise,"he is the way he is". All that said in a nice way, he did say he loves me (not I love you but of "course there is love").
stbxH is stuborn and refuses change. And I cant live with what he offers
Since you mention "holding on to yourself", it reminds me of something else Schnarch says in PM. "...we always pick a marital partner who's at the same level of differentiation as we are."
Your letting the walls down, telling him how you felt/feel without being "tough & cool", instead of having him answer questions, looks like the way to proceed with him & allows him to drop some walls also.
I think the NY trip had a big effect on him. Can't underestimate the fear of loss factor, LBS move'n on factor.
