PLEASE HELP! - About to completely LOSE IT!!!

[aflowergurlie]

What a different weekend...

Friday night, when I got home from work it didn't look like H had been to the house, as there were a few things still around that he normally takes with him for the weekend. But I wasn't sure so I just kept the notion in mind that he was probably gone for the weekend, but there was also a possibility of him being home that night.

I left to go out with friends around 10:00pm and still no H. I ended up spending the night at my bro's and came home around 2:00pm on Saturday. Much to my surprise H was home. When I came in H was on couch watching tv, looked like he had slept there and had been there all day. H was on the phone but broke conversation with a friendly "You're home." when I walked past into my bedroom. And then H just commented "you look hungover" with a little laugh. I just smiled and went into my bedroom.

I stayed in my bedroom resting and watching tv for the rest of the afternoon and then had to get ready for a party to go to in the evening. Just as I was about finished getting ready (dressed in a cute deep v cleavage showing black and white polka dot dress with black platform heels) H knocked on my door. I open the door and H is standing there in his underwear (and ONLY his underwear dear goodness). H looks at me kinda surprised, not expecting to see me all dressed up, and says "Where are you going all dolled up?" AFG "A party." H "Ohhh." AFG with a friendly tone of you're breaking the boundaries "You're in your underwear." H "I know, it's not like you've never seen me in my underwear before. Come watch this clip on tv." H plays this funny clip that he had told me about seeing previously. I stood with my back to him so I didn't have to see him while he was up in the kitchen and coming back to the couch walking in his underwear. I played it like I could care less about seeing him that way. I just laughed at the clip and then quickly went back to my room like I was busy to finish getting ready.

Came out of my room to leave and H on couch "Are you going to be home tonight?" AFG - "I should be." H repeats with a little sarcasticness "You "should" be? Well, don't drive drunk." I leave for party. When he asked me "was I going to be home tonight?" I felt really irritated. I wonder why does he ask that? I find myself trying to figure out "why" he is asking which is mind-reading and I don't want to do that and have to forcibly stop myself afterwards. And it also makes me mad because I don't ask him EVER about his comings and goings. Do I say something to him about it? Something like "It really irks me when you ask me where I'm going and whether I'll be home or not. I respect your privacy enough to not ask you about your plans for when you will be here or not and I would appreciate the same consideration from you." Or just let it go, and keep giving vague answers if/when he does ask? I mean did I ask him why he is home this weekend? Which I am, by the way, assuming that OW must be out of town or something.

Get home around 10:30. H still on couch in same position as I left him. AFG with little laughter "You pretty much haven't left that position today have you?" H "Pretty much." AFG - "I'm going to go get something to eat. Do you want me to get you something? (I felt bad because he was scrounging for food earlier before I had left. No groceries in the house on weekends, because neither of us are usually home.) H "A chicken sandwich. Thank you." The thank you was the first time I had heard the tone change to one of sincerity, not obligatory, which caught me by surprise. Maybe because this is the first time I have gone out of my way to do something like this for him in forever, and it would have been second nature for me back in the old days. Went and got food, handed H his sandwich, said good night and went to my room.

This morning - H was on computer in office, still in underwear. H walks into kitchen to get a drink while I am making breakfast, still in underwear. At that point I was ready to take off my shirt and shorts to be in just my bra and panties only and say well since you're walking around in just your underwear, I guess I can too, lol. H goes and takes a shower and comes back out to kitchen, fully dressed (finally) in his workclothes. I am sitting at kitchen bar eating my breakfast. H grabs bartool and sits across from me to eat his breakfast. H asks me about the party. I ended up chatting with him about it because it is H & I's old social group.

As I was cleaning up kitchen and dishes, H is sitting at kitchen bar across from me now and says "I want to ask you something." AFG - "Ok." H "Well, I guess more like say something." AFG - "Ok, go ahead." H "It's about when I asked you about your friend being a guy and all that, I just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or mean to make you uncomfortable at all. Because it doesn't have to be that way between us. I want for us to be able to talk about stuff and not for it to be awkward." AFG "I still stand by what I said previously, I'm not comfortable in discussing my private life with you."
H "You don't have to be secretive about this kind of stuff. I don't see what the big deal is." H stops in mid-conversation and has his phone out and looks like he is looking for a picture, not texting because there hadn't been any incoming "ding-ding" and the phone's keyboard wasn't slid out, and I also became fearful that he was going to try to show me a pic of OW or something, but regardless I decided it was the perfect opportunity to say something about the texting. So I waited a few minutes and said "I sure hope that you're not texting your girlfriend right in front of me because that would be very disrespectful." H "No, I was looking for another picture that my bro sent me of his kitten to show you, but I think it got deleted." and then told me all about the picture. We chat about our kitties and how we both miss them too while I keep cleaning dishes. H a minute later says with smirky, funny tone "You're a smart ass." referring back to my texting comment. Then, coincidentally a few minutes later there was a text that came in "ding-ding" and H says out loud "Gosh, (coworkers name) what do you want?"

Then H says "Back to what I was saying before...is there a someone or potential someone?" AFG - "What would it matter if there was?" H - "Because I'm curious and I want to know." AFG - "I don't ask you about your life because I DON'T want to know and I would appreciate the same from you. I'm not comfortable talking about this and this conversation is over." H - "It's not like if you tell me there is someone I'm gonna be like Ok, let's get back together." AFG - "That wouldn't matter or have anything to do with this anyways. I'm finished talking about this because the fact is that we are still married and we need to get the paperwork done." and I start to leave the kitchen to go to my bedroom. H turns and says to me "Ok, well then, do you want me to go and get the paperwork?" AFG "No, I've already downloaded it, I just need to print it out." H with kind of shocked/surprised tone "Downloaded it? Did it cost money?" AFG - "No, it was free. It will cost $414.00 to file. All that I'm waiting on is for the short sale to be finished, but I'd like it if we could have it all done and ready to file after that is finished." H - "Ok, I guess we need to have the other conversation then of who gets what, how we're dividing things. And I'd like for it to be civil, not like last time when we got into a big argument about it all. You remember that right?" AFG - "Yes." We both look at each other in a few moments of silence and I caught a hinting glimpse on H's face of a pained expression while I stood firm without emotion. I start going into my room, H says "Ok, I guess we'll talk more later then." Then I heard H leave.

I was really proud of myself throughout that entire conversation for carrying myself without emotion. I stayed calm, cool, and casual throughout all of it...