You both are absolutely correct. I know it and now I have to live it. It is difficult for me b/c it isn't what I've been wired to do all of these years.
I'm just now figuring out how to live the right way and how to live as a confident man. It is difficult to break old habits and that is mostly out of fear.
I know and can realize I'm "afraid" of her going away, but in the end, that is what I have to let her do if she wishes. I can't force her to want to be w/me and unless I "move on" things will never be correct.
Under the current situation, she means more to me than I do to her, so it isn't in balance. I continue to need your 2X4s, my friends as I'm making a very difficult personal transition from where I was to where I want to be. It is difficult and I doubt myself at times, which is why I need to hear your words and get your 2X4s.
I'm only contacting her when I have something interesting to do w/her. I asked her this weekend if she and her kids wanted to go to the state fair w/my D. Her littlest was sick, so she stayed home, but D and I went anyway.
She even invited me and my D over to hang out, but her S was sick, so we didn't. She sent a text asking if we had fun at the fair and we bantered a bit and that was all.
I'm not contacting her even though I want to. She has to make the moves to find me. In the meantime, I'll continue to have fun w/causal dates w/other women and I'll make sure she knows about it. If the conversation comes up, I'll do as you and gucci said and let her know that while I really like her, I have to keep living, so I am.
Again, thank you for your words and thoughts. This is difficult for me, but I don't want to be repeating the mistakes of my past. I want to grow and change forever. I want to be able to have a good, healthy relationship w/solid healthy boundaries. I'm making mistakes, but I'm hopefully learning from them and trying not to repeat them.
gucci is correct as I continue to live in the world of "not getting it" but I am trying and if you'll all be patient, I may just make it out of the other end in good shape. I understand what I need to do, but now I need to find the courage and conviction to do it. Your encouragement and the fact you check in on me really helps. It is scary to change, but I want to do it. Like the other night w/gf at the concert, it was a lot easier to spark her interest when I was concerned w/having fun and not kissing her butt. It worked and does work. Getting the courage and faith to just do it is the hard part.
Keep the 2X4s coming when I screw up, OK?
I'm a believer in David Cunningham's works and he says that unless we do talk and see each other, I can't spark her attraction, so I'll continue to keep in contact w/her, but she'll initiate it. As Cunningham says, I'll only contact her when I have something fun I'm doing and I'd like to invite her. No sooner, no later. That is what I'm trying to focus on now.
Wish me luck and keep an eye on this old guy, will ya? He's got a lot of potential and I'm going to do my best to make sure he taps it to the fullest. Your help is always welcomed and appreciated.
