In my experience you will hear thousands of times from your WAS that they don't feel you and him/her were "meant to be". This phrase becomes more common when there is another OW/OM. Because right now the WAS feels the high of the new R and to them the new R *does* feel like it's meant to be. And maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. Who knows.
People that really understand long term R's *get* that it's not about being "meant to be". Society has made us believe there is one perfect person out there for us all.
You will hear ever justification and cliche known to man (and then some more) and yes, most of it is guilt, projection and the issues the WAS has. Since we cannot control what our WAS, how they behavior or what they believe then we can only work on ourselves as individuals. We can learn and grow. That is the only control we have.
You are reacting just as your WAS predicted. You are fighting with him and showing anger and hostility. You essentially are handing him the fuel he needs to keep walking away because who wants to work on a R that has such constant conflict? Especially when there is another R "on the side" (aka: OW/OM) that is fun and romantic and filled with sex and laughter and no problems. Your reactions are (A) predictable to your WAS and (B) push him right in the arms of the OW/OM.
Drop the rope, go dark, act as if and don't engage in R talks especially after you have been drinking. Let him wonder. Show him by your ACTIONS that you will keep living your life and being the best you possible.
We all crave control of some sort when we are left by our spouses and the *only* control we have is over ourselves. Fighting, begging, pleading, crying, promises or anything else won't do a bit of good.
