WAW Using God

[pigskin]

Wife initiated a long R talk yesterday. Said how I've been so good to her and she feels like a horrible person because she doesn't reciprocate.

She has said from the day of the bomb that she needs to get away for a month to "figure out what I want". I have resisted from the get go since I felt it was just an easy way for the EA to escalate. She read it as me being unwilling to help her do what she needs to do to move us forward in whatever direction we end up going. I told her the reasons I resisted separation so she understood. Then I told her, "OK. Go. Do what you need to do." So she will likely move out for a month after the holidays to sort herself out.

She told me she is going to tell the OM no contact at all during this period. I kind of believe she will honor that, but she lies so much I am not going to be naive. I have no further cards to play, so this is just a move towards leaving limbo. I honestly feel like I'm taking a risk, but it is for my own good. She seemed touched that I would finally let her do this, and hugged me through tears.

Later on we got into an argument. One of my boundaries is that our children are not exposed to W's affair in any way, shape or form. I am adamant about this. On Sundays W usually takes our daughter with her to her church, while I go to a Catholic church with our two sons. But now I've learned the OM is attending W's church, and he sits there with my W (Daughter is checked into child care at the church before the service). When W asked what the plan was for today, I told her I'm taking our D with me to my church. She said "why?" I said "Because I want to." She said "Do you think she will be exposed to someone at my church?" I said "yes". She said "She's not". I said "That's not what she told me".

It blew up from there, with W furious that I "brought our D into this". Angry with me that I would ask our D questions (I made no mention of the OM in any negative tone. Just tried to find out what I have a right to know. D just answered the questions.) W was insistent that she is not exposed to anything. I told her I can't believe any word that comes out of her mouth. I can guarantee that D won't be exposed to anything when she's with me, so that's what I'm doing.

So wife is pissed; this obviously struck a nerve. Said I've "been a horrible f---ing husband for the last 13 years" in a voice loud enough for our children to hear downstairs (don't know if they did though). And then walked out of the room. Funny, but that comment didn't even hurt. I said nothing to her after she said it; hoping it would hurt her that she said it. Rolled off me like water off a duck's back.

After a while I went to her and told her if she ever spoke to me that way again (where the kids may have heard) I would kick her ass to the curb. I will not stand to be treated that way. We talked for a while and things calmed down a bit. She is upset that "I'm taking D away from something she loves (church's daycare)". I told her I'm upset that our D can't even go to church without the OM intruding. And made a comment to the effect of "how can you sit there in a house of God with the OM?" She said she's a horrible person. I told her she's not, and that I've never said that about her. I told her people do horrible things, but you condemn the act, not the person. Then I walked away.

This is the most interesting stuff that has happened in my situation in months. So it looks like we're exiting limbo kicking and screaming...