Long Journey .......... advice please

[Sanderika]

Hi Cas,

This thread of yours has been a very big help given the duration of the sitches. I am happy that the posters were gentle on us for the most part. It has really helped to have a glimpse inside the minds of our H's. I do have to assume it as true.

I feel I have DB for ME.....SUCCESSFULLY!!!!!

I feel I have DB for US in the fact that my H and I are friends again.....SUCCESSFULLY!!!!!

I have been reading other posters advice on other threads this morning. What I have learned is pretty much what I already knew how to do. I was implementing the DB method long before I knew what it was or even found this site. I have to give myself credit for some smarts here about relationships, especially my own. I feel the advice I have given others is right on the mark to change a sitch from pure hatred to friendship.

I have read a lot of conflicting advice here....

I am feeling low about "not getting" Gucci's POV sooner. I guess it's cause I refused to take the blinder's off my eyes. I am typical though as I have read. It's we LBS that seem to get it last.

My H has been spending a considerable amount of time calling me, visiting over here, invited me out for lunch, plus a few other things....I am considering all of this a lead-in for an attempt towards yet another postponement in a few short weeks. My H will not get another chance.

I have been pondering something to tell H. My current version is something like this:

"D, I cannot postpone a 5th time because there have been no real significant changes this past year. Moving forward has nothing to do with my feelings for you. Right now it has everything to do with removing myself from a situation that is unhealthy for me to remain a part of. At this place in time, I am moving forward. I am grateful we have been able to re-create a friendship, especially for J's sake, and I hope it can continue."

I am toying with also saying "it doesn't mean I am closing the door for good, just on the relationship we have now" or something like this.

Cas, what are you actually thinking of doing right now???? I may have missed your thoughts on how to proceed in your sitch....if that's the case, I am sorry to be asking.

Thinking of you......

Sanderika