Thanks Grace and VH. I am very literaly dreaming of change these days-seeing my bedroom being totally dismantled in my dream signifies that I am moving into a different space with my family.
VH, how are you doing? Helping everyone else so much from what I can see through your posts. Hope you`re having the time of your life!
Fallgirl, This bb is to assist you, the poster, no matter whether your marriage is saved or not. It's a great support system for coming here and bouncing things off of the other posters. You are by no means a fraud!
Your h is a total fool and he will realize this one day. It may not be in time to reconcile w/you, but before he's ready to cross over to other side, he will realize what he had and what he lost.
Yes, it's sad for the childern, but your children are far better off with you being the stable and sane parent right now and not having any expectations as to what your h will or will not do for and/or w/them. Your h is a very lost soul and will have ups and downs for a good while. It's good that you have activities to keep you and your children busy.
Fallgirl, you will be okay. Give yourself a break and understand that no matter what happens we are here for you. Not every marriage will be saved and posters new and old will learn this along the path they travel.
I do hope that you are recovering from your accident and you are following your doctor's orders and what your body is telling you to do. Accidents do have a way of making you focus on what is important right now...you, your recovery and your children.
Anyone who has gone through this is the real deal, def not a fraud, and the friends we make here are our friends, regardless of the outcome of all this.
You do what you have to do.
Last edited by SoCo; 11/08/0907:02 PM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I'm doing ok. There's not a lot going on, and for the moment, that feels like a good thing! I guess I should put an update on my thread this afternoon!
Thanks so much everyone, for jumping in here with support.
I really am ok Snodderly, from the accident as well as everything else. I really don`t mind whether H even has regrets or not. I can see he`s a guy in pain and that there`s nothing I can do about that. I`ve dropped the rope and am moving forward on that front.
So glad of all the friendship here. And really want to keep in touch to see how you all are doing-in life as much as with DBing.
VH, I found your thread again-had forgotten about clicking on your link-and will post there soon. But I can see, you`re doing fine.
Soco, I often thinnk our H`s have a great deal of the same crazy going on "I loveyou/Ilove you not" want to let us go, and have fun themselves, but go crazy if they think anyone else might have us.
Snodderly, you do such great work here and spend so much time helping others, I`m really grateful you stopped by for me too.
The accident has been no bad thing. Nothing unhealable from it for anyone and yet, its given my hope for H a good shake, which it needed.
Happy Thanksgiving TIF! And I`m sure we can virtually join in the celebrations too SR!
I`m doing fine, thanks for your posts. Feel bad that I don`t get here as much as I used to. But that pretty much reflects where I`m at in terms of my divorcebusting.
I`ve come to a good point with it all. I think the whole business of my digging into the spiritual side of me really has brought me such an amount of peace that I never could have imagined(and indeed would have been dismissive of) before.
I`m really begining to believe that things will be OK for me no matter what happens. That H believes he is right in taking his stance against me.He has to work this out his way, I can work it out my way.
Critically, I have learnt that I am not always right. I have my own degree of dysfunction to own up to;I had an expectation of not being lovable which I`ve had to change and work on. I was too serious-no fun, lousy in bed, always knarking on at H, put him down just as much as I put me down. Mirror stuff.
Meanwhile, H spins and claws out at me from time to time but he knows my boundaries. No shouting, no threatening, no bad language,no stopping me having fun and living my life.
And I have put my hand on his heart very literally and told him I really do care about him and want him to be happy, whether or not we stay together.
I know he doesn`t `get` most of it. He doesn`t `get` love or loving. He can`t articulate a huge amount of what he`s feeling because he genuinely doesn`t know.
And I`m only learning.
He doesn`t know whether I am willing to wait for him or not. And I don`t either.He doesn`t get that I`ve finally unhooked from his moodswings and am perfectly happy in most aspects of my life.(Having a great time, actually)
So where are we headed? God knows. Maybe God doesn`t even know.But I`m on the journey and actually grateful for it and enjoying it.
I look back on this time last year- a time of great anger, confusion, and despair and my Thanksgiving is for feeling that pain deeply. And, getting past it.
