I was just talking to our domestic guy here. He'll review my proposed separation agreement before I show it to H. It'll be pretty basic- personal property split, financial accounts split, spousal and child support. I just hope it doesn't ruin Thanksgiving too badly. I'm not delusional- it's ruined, it just remains to be seen how badly... But we shall deal with it like adults- I know I will.
This weekend's plans: Get updated account balances. Sign lease. Look into new checking account/credit card. Finish everybody's mending. Finish fall clean-up in the gardens. Clean the crap out of my bedroom and bathroom drawers. That's probably enough- I think those are good goals, we'll see how far I actually get on those.
My head knows this is the right thing to do, but my heart still feels like I'm making a mistake- we're still family- but I'm working on that, I know I'll get through it with time. I have to get busy when those thoughts start creeping in.
Just stopped in and was catching up on your thread. Wow!! What a change that I have been reading in you already. You even sound more confident to me in your posts. I am glad to hear that you finally made that tough choice to get out. I think that you are very brave to do what you are doing.
I agree with the people on here that have already posted about getting past the sick feeling and the pain. It will happen over time. Seems like time always goes slow when one is waiting for something to happen but after it happens then one looks back and wonders where the time went.
You seem like a wonderful person, bunny. You seem strong, bright, and an over all genuine person. Your H does not deserve the person that you are. You have so much to offer, whether it be to your family, friends, or a new R in the future.
The only advice that I have for you at this time is to reconnect with the person that YOU are, the person that I think you have been missing from yourself for a long time.
I hope that you stick with the one week time limit on telling him. I agree with all posters that have said that before me.
I will check back in with you soon. I will try not to stay away as long has I have this time. Hugs to you girl from Iowa
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Still waiting to hear that the lease papers are ready- the bldg mgr said by the end of the week. I hope she calls today.
H sent me a link last night for a b-day present idea. (His b-day is on Christmas) Tickets for a show on 12/1 that caught his eye. That's right after I move out. I thought I would get the tickets and give them to him this weekend as an early present. If things go smoothly with my leaving, maybe we can go to the show together; if not, he could take his sister or somebody. Probably his sister. Does this sound reasonable or am I nuts to consider this?
You are just too sweet. In my opinion you should go dark for awhile. He needs to know how serious you are. You have been taking care of and enabling him for too long.
Hi Bunny. I'm not on here much anymore, but I keep you in my prayers!
I'm glad you have made the decision to finally move out. I pray for you to stay free of his manipulations. And frankly...him sending you a link for what he wants for his birthday is totally obnoxious at this point. I think it would ridiculous to buy him those tickets. He doesn't deserve to be asking you for gifts or to be receiving them.
Practically speaking, don't send mixed messages.
I'm glad you have plenty of good folks looking out for you here.
I did order the tickets, and I think I'll try talking some to H this weekend. Maybe. I don't know. The tickets seem like a nice lead-in to the discussion. I was going to get him a b-day present anyways, so I had no qualms about buying them, so I guess whether or not we go to the show together remains to be seen depending on how our discussion goes. I'm feeling anxious- my friend and my IC said I should talk to him now, my friends here say to wait, so I don't know, I'm re-thinking again. I really thought that waiting was the better option, but the tickets seem like a good, natural lead-in and I do want to be fair to H. I'll play it by ear, I think I'll recognize the right moment.
Wow, I'm not sure where this came from but today I am strangely calm. First time of no wacky nerves in weeks. I haven't told H about the tickets yet, or had any other discussion really, but it's close- I can feel it. Maybe that's why.. or maybe it's the other way around... Doesn't matter, I'm just glad to feel calm finally.
I'm busy today getting the house cleaned up. D17 is having a party tonight, so our house is being invaded by about 15 hungry teenagers. And it's going to go later than originally expected- about 1/3 of them are in the HS band and tonight is the first round of football playoffs, so they'll be arriving late. Go _HS!
I'm not sure what H is thinking lately, but he has been acting goofy and looking for attention- like stealing my pillows at night while I'm trying to go to sleep. He tried that again last night and followed it up with a declaration that his balls were itchy. (Thought bubble: OK... sorry, not helping you, I assumed he meant they were itchy for action.) I suggested that he maybe needed to wear looser fit jeans... So he didn't get any, and I'm sure it's driving him nuts. Hell, I'm horny too, but I'm not about to mess up the progress I made by f***ing the guy, because that's all it will be, not ML.
Time to go work on the house more for the party, have a good weekend everyone.
Hope you have a good time with all those teenageres!! LOL!
Stick to your guns on the sex issue. He is only thinking about himself in that regars in my opinion. it does not sound like he is trying to woo you over to get any. It sounds like he just wants to get his fix.
Have you heard anything aboutthe lease yet?
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
First off, we won the football game. Round 2 is next week- yay!
11:00 and the kids are getting their second wind, this is going to be a long night.
No word on the lease yet, but I'm not worried about it- I thought she would have called by now to say it's ready tho.
Venting now- my H is a dumb@ss.
He already went to bed. We were watching TV in bed before he did, and he decided to pull his PITA routine again (pain in the @ss), and was grabbing my pillows out from under my head like last night. During one of those grabs, he managed to miss the pillow and landed a punch on my nose. Dumb@ss. It still hurts. Last year he did the same thing and managed to punch me in the eye that time. A couple months before that, I don't remember what he was doing, but he managed to split my lip. Each time, he's not being malicious or anything, it's never intentional, he's just being a PITA, and I end up with the short end of the stick. Dumb@ss.
You know what? Once, sure. Accidents happen. Twice? A punch is not a grab, and enough force to split a lip is not playing around. Three times? Don't make me laugh.
So much stuff about your H. does not pass my smell test, in a very creepy way, far beyond garden-variety "bad partner". I am very glad you're getting out.
Please be very careful. I know you don't think you need to, but this is not a thing you want to find yourself mistaken about, when it's too late.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
