I thank you for your kind words and counsel as always...Your strength amazes me and I can only hope to become 1/2 as strong as you in the days to come.
Journaling: I took the day off today and spent most of it either with my little one or in self-reflection mode...
I was going to go out tonight and put back a few however that hasn't worked in the past and the last thing I need right now is to add alcoholism to my list of crap so I decided against that...
I had to dig deep today to see where my self-reflection would take me...
I had to force myself to look at my arm and the damage I caused, yes I blamed my anger on H however ultimately it is my fault and a bad choice on my part...
I stood in the shower this afternoon and let thoughts drift to my H and I and how low we have become in our relationship...
Guess what happened next? No tears, no anxiety, no sick cold feeling in the pit of my stomach...
All I found was peace...
A perfect peace settled over my entire body, I couldn't put into words how peaceful it was however it was calming and warm and full of light and nothing but love and I knew at that moment everything would be just fine if I could just step out of God's way and let Him take care of it...
When I go to the alter tomorrow, I plan on finally leaving it all there and not picking up any of it again...
I say the plan because I have such a hard time leaving it all alone, I am impatient I admit and when I don't see results, I like to just take over and do it myself...
Like my new sig says, it has nothing to do with me, I think after all these months, I finally get that
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
