Dealing with my panic attacks over him being gone by realizing my emotions and actions are about me, and probably more about my early family issues, and his emotions and actions are about him. It saves me from the anxiety of feeling rejected, not good enough, etc. If I imagine him leaving is about him and his issues, instead of the fact that I'm such a horrible person who ruined everything, I feel better. Who knows what the truth is, but I have to keep out of depression. I get pulled way down and I'm trying very hard to keep my head sane!
At least when S5 was crying because he missed daddy, H called right back when I asked him to talk to S on the phone. That's the minimum I can expect.
so, working on the 180s - just not freaking out over any of H's actions. Staying dark with the exception of coordinating over S.
The pain is sometimes unbearable, but I feel proud when I pull myself out of it.
"As if", although I know I'm fooling myself so it's difficult, also helps. I don't come at H in attack mode when I can think "as if".
