The longer I proceed down this path the harder things seem to be...for me. In reality certain things are much better, but other things have just gotten to the point that it really grates on my nerves. The financial stuff is really getting me at the moment. Since I was laid off...I started a new business, restarted an old business, and done what ever small odd job that seemed to appear. I fret over the lost wages a little bit, but I know that I have to just keep working hard and hope things work out. There are so many people that I know who are in deep financial hardships. Some, like us, are barely making it month to month. Others are way behind on mortgages and etc. Very few people I know are living the high life anymore. I know for a lot of us.....a lot of our financial problems have been caused by circumstances that are really out of our control. But too hear my wife lament about how next month we are going to be bankrupt is getting very tedious. She has been saying that since March, yet here we are 8 months later with all the bills covered except one...which sadly there just isn't the money for.
The path I have chosen is to look at the other side. My business are both starting to get work. I have been getting little side jobs that have helped to make ends meet. Jobs that are way below my skill set, but they are still jobs that pay. We have almost successfully continued to cover our bills though we are on pace to make only half as much as last year (I do wonder were all the money was going before...probably gas and clothes for my old job...who knows).....so I am sick of hearing how horrible it is and bankruptcy is right around the corner. I refuse to think like that.
The second big things is the loneliness combined with hearing how much my wife wants anybody else in this world other than me. How she is single and lonely! Last night a friend took me out for the evening. I told him that I couldn't because I didn't have the cash. He replied it is on me. So we went to a bar and through darts. We flirted with the waitress, who we know flirted back in an attempt to make bigger tips which is fine. As the night went on....the instances of eye flirting with women, especially younger woman, got more and more. It felt nice to garner attention from the fairer sex. Then three young ladies came over to play darts next to us and it felt like I had returned to college. Flirting, eye contact, repeated touches from all three women....it was nice to be noticed again. It made me smile when a woman grabbed my arm and commented how solid it is....after so many hours of hard working out to be acknowledged was priceless. The oldest of these woman was 26 and yes it could have easily gone farther, yet I didn't go there. The flirting was fun.....but instead of thinking that I was married, the thought of bringing some one else into my mess was stronger. I think the total of everything that happened yesterday was a big stepping stone for me. I am really ready for my wife to move out...maybe more so actually want it. I want to move on with my life and start getting treated with respect and in a manner that I deserve....no longer as a horrible problem.
