Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

I read your post your started yesterday. It does sound very similar. You seem a lot more resolved than me though!

Believe me, no contact works. It really, really does. It makes you feel stronger and better about yourself.

It does definitely make me stronger. I've seen that when there have been longer period of NC.

It also has a better chance of drawing the other person back towards you

In my W's case I think she would actually prefer the NC herself. Then again, as a friend put it if she REALLY wanted to move on with her new life, she easily could by stopping contact with me and my D.

Now, you mentioned that you feared that having no contact wouuld make her less interested or concerned about you. It doesn't and here's why. You noticed it when she removed herself from your life. If you do not contact her, then the same will happen to her.

That was before the OM appeared though. As soon as he appeared the contact dropped off almost overnight.

And yes, she does care, cause if she didn't, you would be divorced now.

She can't divorce me for at least two years (that's the law here in Scotland) as I have done nothing wrong. In Scotland, you can only get an immediate divorce on two grounds - adultery and 'unreasonable behaviour' (ie. violence etc.). I can divorce her at any time on the ground of adultery however. I have sent her a separation agreement (which is a sort of divorce without going to the full court) which splits up financial matters now for when the divorce comes around. She got that on 3/11. We will see how long it takes her to sign / challenge it.

If the guy she is seeing has all of these negative qualities, it will not last (they rarely do).

If you mean the qualities I've mentioned then most of them I know for sure about. A few others I'm speculating. If it does last I would be mightily surprised, HOWEVER I think my W is so desperate and insecure at the moment (again from speaking to others and putting 2 and 2 together) that I think she would follow him to the end of the world (I think as PDT / robx said in one of his posts about a female astronaut travelling half way across the country to see her OM wearing a daiper so she wouldn't have to stop for toilet breaks - that is my wife just now).

But she is unable to stop now because she's desperate to stop the pain. By removing yourself from her life, you are leaving a void that cannot be filled by him, no matter what you might fear. So there's a better chance that she will be drawn back to you to fill the void again.

This sort of makes sense to me.We have been together for 7 years so no matter what happens, that is a lot to get over in only 3 months.

Second, maintain as little contact with her as possible. Do NOT let her hang out at the house with your child. She can bond with her at her own house.

I can't allow that. She'd then have the OM and my child together. I could let her take my D out on the condition the OM is not involved I suppose. I have today implemented limited contact where I let her spend time at my house with my D on their own (I just made myself scarce). At the moment this is a good compromise and will also, I really hope, give me the strength to progress to full NC.

Plus that'll give her a taste of what it would be like to stay with this guy permanently. I'm sure that is not appealling to either of them.

After 4 weeks of being here this guys still doesn't have a job from what I can understand. One of the (many) reasons I've heard she left was because I was 'taking 2/3 of her salary for the household money'. At least I was bringing in money, this guy aint. Double standards - weird sitch.

A friend has also said that the contact she has with my D is several hours at a time and that if I was in his shoes I'd be a little annoyed that she was still spending time with her step-D and her H after leaving them to start a new life with him. However, it was pointed out that maybe he likes her out of the house as he seems to spend most of his time online (or at least did).

Do not tell her much about your life and keep conversations with her short. None of that is her business.

As of today I am trying to be deliberately vague about everything.

Third, take care of yourself at all times. Be extremely selfish and indulge yourself. Any non-selfish impulses should be directed to your child.

That is food for thought - be extremely selfish!

Fourth, if you feel yourself slipping on the no contact, remember how bad she made you feel and feed a little bit off that anger. That is a primitive but sometimes effective method of keeping yourself focused.

This is a difficult one for me, but will give that a go.

Last, make a plan and stick to it. Decide how long you are willing to wait on her and make plans if it goes either way.

Unless something happens to change my mind, I will wait until the D - 2 August 2011 is the earliest date that can happen unless I file.

I promise you that everything will be OK. If you are not in jail for homicide or in the hospital on suicide watch, then you have a great deal of strength in you. She WILL notice it, and others will as well. If you continue to move on with life, you will recover. And sometimes, if you move forward with life, some of the things you left behind will catch up. Good luck.

Believe it or not, I have my plans focused on an upcoming dance next Friday the 13th. This is a big deal for me and a point for me to move forward from - I never danced with my W but I plan to dance my a$$ off and have a great night and also, the main reason, is to start moving on.

My W was going to go and said she wouldn't, however I have a nagging feeling she still will. I don't care. Either way, I'm having a great time with the 4 women and 2 blokes I'm going with!

Thanks for your post. I did help!