Question

[awest1217]

I went out with all of my couple friends at church (really hard being the only one without a significant other, but no one my age that is single at church) for my friends 30th birthday. No plans today. S and I cleaned the house and raked leaves. I am physically not doing well. I am very dizzy, headache, soar throat, neck and back ache, but no fever so I am sure it is nothing, but the dizziness is starting to worry me, but no time for that.

H finally text me. He said "I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I wanted to say hi and hope that you have a good day". I just responded "thanks I hope you do too". I wanted to be kind, but unlike normal I did not respond to the "you probably don't want to hear from me". Then he asked about the time for S's ear, nose, throat doctor appointment and about the cell bill because it got lowered. I confirmed the time of the doctors appointment and let him know the bill is less because the credit on the activation fee came through. He then asked if he could go to the doctor's appointment. I said ok. That was it. Usually I would ask about his day or see how he was doing, but I just answered questions nicely and that was that.

Now I am watching the ND game on TV and I am sad. H always said how his favorite time of year was football season because since S has been born, I worked the home ND games at our church concession stand that I ran. It was H/S daddy time. H loved it and so did S. H even said how he missed it the first game, but has never once asked to be with S since for a game, instead he goes to all the games with OW. It saddens me. Between that, not feeling well and honestly starting to worry about it, and the fact that my dad was in the Navy (ND vs. Navy game today) before he died. I am doing a lot of crying. My dad if he was alive would have gone to H and tore him a new one because I was his little girl and always protected me. (he was not the best husband to my mom, physically and sexually abusive, but he was a great father). I really miss him on days like today...I just feel very alone today and sad.

It is ok because tomorrow after church it is family time to celebrate my little sister's 21st birthday. No drinking although we will tease her.