Hope and heartache

[Lucky11too]

That's so great that you are out doing things and keeping busy! Very fun! =) I know it's tough. People keep telling me how I need to detach so I don't think about H and what H is doing, but it really is difficult when you care for that person so much. But they are so right, that unless we start on that journey of detachment, this will just eat us alive.

There's a pretty good post going on right now about detachment (easy to say, hard to implement!)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1852615

[ClingingToHope]

Girls just called on W's cellphone. W took them over to a friend's house to help plan a baby shower. D10 filling me in on what was going on. D10 wanted to know what I was doing? I told her I'm getting ready to go for a walk. She asked "with who?" I said myself.

The phone was on conference so everything we were talking about could be heard by W.

D10 said W also bought some ab machine off an infomercial. One of the big signs of depression the past three years was W going from a size 4 to size 16. Each time she gained a size, she'd buy a whole new wardrobe. I'd mention going to the Y together or running or anything, but each time I did she took it as a slam against her weight. That plus the money she was spending really added to the stress.

I don't know if W wanted me to know or not. Is it a good sign that she's trying to get back in shape? It's bad of me, but I'm torn. I'd love her to get back in shape and feel better about herself. But is she getting back in shape to attract others? That would just kills me.

After each girl was born, she worked herself back down to a size 4 and looked great. The first time was among the happiest times in our marriage because she did it by running and we'd do it together by putting D10 (then 1 and 2) in a jogging stroller.

They are going to an apple orchard. It's 70 degrees outside and a great day to do something like that. I need to get off this couch.

[awest1217]

Hope the rest of the weekend goes well. It is definitely nice to go outside for a while. It helps to clear things up, or at least help you sleep better tonight. S and I raked leaves and went to the park. It is great to have a few more days to enjoy being outside. S is such an outdoors kid.

Just keep holding on. It is nice that D10 called to talk to you. Be thankful you have two girls who love to be with their dad, and W is not standing in your way.

[motherof3]

It's my W's weekend with the kids and I even helped yesterday by printing out a fun event at a museum that we have a membership to -- I paid to renew it for all of us even though I'd moved out by the time it came due.

My H has this kids this weekend too. It's tough not having them here. I feel like I am missing out on something...missing out on some funny thing that S6 said, or S4 little grin, or D2's laughter.

I'm just no good with patience. I've read about Dia and Sandi and some of the other success stories and how it tooks months before they realized they wanted to give their M another chance.

Patience is not my strong suit either and I am only going on month 2 of separation. Still working on that detachment stuff too. Could you tell me how to find the stories about Dia and Sandi? I could use a little evidence of positive results.

It's so hard to trust in the path. I keep thinking about what she's doing. If she's happy. If she's even starting to miss me a little.

I know it's not easy, but try not to think about W. You need to concentrate on you. Find things to keep you busy. Find things that make you happy.

I'm doing pretty well in LRT. I have not called or texted for something other than kid stuff in more than a month.

Great job with the LRT. And I thought my 2 weeks was an accomplishment. Keep up the good work.

I felt like sending W a message... but I decided against it. I'll tell D10 how great the movie was when I see her on Sunday.

Good decision.

[ClingingToHope]

Headed over to the house of the guy I stayed with the first two months after moving out. He was married one year and divorced and it was a real mess. He's been on his own for 10 years. When I moved in this spring, he finally had a long-term girlfriend.

Now, he's struggling with her because he hasn't dated anyone past the six month "honeymoon" period since his divorce.

Plus, I had met her before they started dating. She has a lot of issues.

I filled him in on how I'm doing and I thought he'd really be pushing me to forget, forget, forget about W, but he thinks I'm doing a whole lot better than I was four months ago.

Funny, I sometimes don't feel a whole lot better.

[awest1217]

Good compliment! It is hard for us to see the changes we have made because they are small and we don't notice, but you are making changes for the good so take the compliment and pat yourself on your back.

[ClingingToHope]

Hanging out with friends tonight. Learned one of my best friends is basically done. The W and my friend are waiting until after the holidays to make a final decision.

We had a short talk. He has been doing everything wrong. Trying harder, pursuing. She stays she still loves him but is not happy.

Maybe this is my destiny. Maybe I can't save my M but perhaps I can help him save his.

[C-Bart]

It amazing how much knowledge you can gain going through this. Its multiplied when you add in all the experiences on this forum.

[ClingingToHope]

True C-Bart. Here's an amazing thing. When I woke up today I didn't autmatically focus on my situation. I focused on my friend's.

I've never felt so detached.

[Super Girl]

True C-Bart. Here's an amazing thing. When I woke up today I didn't autmatically focus on my situation. I focused on my friend's.

I've never felt so detached.

Sounds like good progress, CTH.