Hi all. I’m new here. I’ve been reading the threads for the past three days. This is far and away the best, most informative site I have found on saving marriages. What a nice, compassionate, helpful group of people!!
My W moved out about two months ago. We’ve been together 23 years and married 19 of those years. We went through a separation about eight years ago that lasted seven months. The R started deteriorating again about 8 – 10 months ago. But I didn’t see it coming (who does?).
Of course, I’ve been doing everything wrong; pleading, imploring (mixed with anger), letters, emails, late night texts (“I miss you”). And, of course, none of it has worked. I feel so stupid.
You see, W and I were both married previously – married early 20’s with both marriages lasting 4-5 years. In my first (and hopefully last) divorce, I was the WAS. I remember now how when I dropped the bomb I was only looking at the marriage through sh*t colored glasses. Ex W begged and pleaded – which only made me want to get away all the more. That was 20-odd years ago. I never stopped to think about it until I started reading these threads. The advice offered here makes so much sense!
We have no kids. But we do own a business together; a gym and personal training business. We agree that since this is our livelihood, we have to get along running the business. It is very hard to see her every day. We have employees that run the daily operations so W and I don’t have to interact very much except on big decisions or paying bills.
I miss my W terribly and I honestly don’t have a lot of confidence that I can win her back a second time.
Anyhow, my first 180 will be to stop the pursuing. Second, I’m going as “dim” as I possibly can – stop talking about my life and stop asking about her’s. Come to work, train my clients, and leave with as little chitchat as possible – pleasant but distant. And GAL.
Any if anyone here has any advice or questions, please feel free. I’ll take all the help I can get!
