Yes..I know exh hurts alot. He just never makes decisions to get himself out of the hurt and seems to be digging his hole bigger.
This week has been crazy. He has been around quite a bit, but not on his assigned days. I have been letting him stop by on non visit days more often but he cancels on his regular days. Need to put a stop to that.
He has been more friendly and nice with me. Must be a motive.
I know...
Wednesday he sends a text asking if we want to spend the day with him on Saturday (today) I say not sure. Then he goes on to tell me he cannot make his child support this month because he had to pay the registration and penalities for his truck. What? There is nothing I can do about it. CSS won't touch it until he is 6 months behind. I can have my attorney write him a letter at $200. He offered to do yardwork at my house, but I don't need that! I have teenagers for that LOL! I need the money.
He just cancelled today saying he has a headache! Code for i just popped a bunch of pills or drank a few beers and there is no way I want you to see me now.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
He has been around quite a bit, but not on his assigned days. I have been letting him stop by on non visit days more often but he cancels on his regular days. Need to put a stop to that.
Yes you do...
He can't pay you anything??? Seems like he should pay something.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Sticking to the schedule this week. License or no license he doesn't need to just drop by anymore.
He cancelled out on Friday and Saturday.
I think he should pay something too, but he says he is broke! He probably knows that besides it being just annoying to me, I really have my hands tied when its one payment.
Oh, I got alot of texts saying how much he missed us. I really wonder how his conscience lets him do this for so long? Years and years of this,
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have been working really hard on my poker face when it comes to exh. Try to be cheery, happy, pleasant, etc. when he is around. Do this for a few reasons...1) He thrives in the knowledge that women are sooooo hurt over him and can't possibly go on. 2)Gonna fake it till I make it! 3)He is so miserable in his own life because of HIS choices he cannot stand me being happy.
It really does help the attitude when he comes, for me to be on top of my game.
Last night he came by for 15 minutes and baby and I were on our way out to a MNF party. I was dressed. I was happy. I was cheery. When he left I told him to "see ya..have a great evening!" and baby and I drove off the same time he did.
A few hours later when he knew we would probably be home he sent a text:
exh: Did baby get some dinner (long story) Me: ya Exh: Good..happy (he was being sarcastic because of my short reply) Me: Very....actually Exh: You know if you weren't so controlling, things could be different. You suck.
I didn't respond.
I thought that was the funniest text and so out of left field! Where in the heck did a statement like that come from? Why? I know I am not supposed to overanalyze but made me realize that even though he is sleeping with many women, still can drink like a rock star, come and go as he pleases.....HE IS MISERABLE! He is like one of those hamsters on a wheel...running faster and faster and can't get off but wonders why he is so tired.
I am so far from happiness most of the time. I am trying so hard. Im lonely. Im tired. Im sad. I also hate to admit it, but I still love the guy. Why? Yuck. He has done horrible things to me. How can I possibly love a man like that? I still have fantasies sometimes that he will become this changed man. That we could be the family I dreamed of us being Wow! That is reaching! But, even with my lonliness and tiredness...I know baby and I are alot better off with the way things are now rather than what they were when he was around. He hasn't changed one bit...maybe just gotten a bit worse.
Smile is on my face! Gonna fake it till I make it! At least in public anyway
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I think he should pay something too, but he says he is broke! He probably knows that besides it being just annoying to me, I really have my hands tied when its one payment.
Can you file with the courts or child services to always have the payment come directly out of his paycheck? In my state a person does not need to be behind to request this service, it is something you can simply file for. That way he never gets to decide whether or not you will be getting the support.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I think he should pay something too, but he says he is broke! He probably knows that besides it being just annoying to me, I really have my hands tied when its one payment.
Can you file with the courts or child services to always have the payment come directly out of his paycheck? In my state a person does not need to be behind to request this service, it is something you can simply file for. That way he never gets to decide whether or not you will be getting the support.
Yes, I have thought about this alot this week. I am hesitant and scared. Why? I don't want to make him mad and this will for sure. He is blowing off his child support. It should be my next move. I have heard its an easy process to do.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Yes, I have thought about this alot this week. I am hesitant and scared. Why? I don't want to make him mad and this will for sure. He is blowing off his child support. It should be my next move. I have heard its an easy process to do.
Why do you care about making him mad?! He obviously is unconcerned about making you mad....or even providing the basic support for his daughter. You need to go file the papers so that it is no longer an issue. I think it will save you a lot of heart ache in the long run. I have read your entire thread, and your X is one who will forever use the money to try to retain some control. If it is relegated to a government agency, then he can no longer use it as a weapon or a sympathy ploy, or anything else. Providing for his daughter should be his first priority, but obviously it is not. Take away the option.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I agree with bnd...If he gets mad so be it, he has to help support his daughter, I'm sure he has money for beer and pills...By not doing this you're just enabling him.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
He seems to be doing alot this week! Got new tires on his truck yesterday was the reason he didn't come earlier for his visit!
I know i need to garnish. Just one of those arguments I am not looking forward to.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I agree with bnd...If he gets mad so be it, he has to help support his daughter, I'm sure he has money for beer and pills...By not doing this you're just enabling him.
Good point volley! If the money comes out of his check before he gets it he will have to budget accordingly.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
