Jak,Matilda, Aud, Piecing, and DB Friends,
I keep reading on the topic of unconditional love, in the form of grace. Like a detergent removing a stain, this concept seems to be infiltrating me. I've been reading about love and compassion for the past six years, but thinking about it as the perfect love of God resonates with me. Even though I haven't figured-out the form of God, and am still trying to figure-out divinity, I can imagine a perfect love, even though I cannot attain it. For now my concept of God is perfect love.

The Quaker church I've started attending about a month ago, has already reaped benefits for me. I've been introduced to a book and two authors who are moving me forward on my religious path. I am now able to integrate Christianity back into my practice. I didn't realize this was possible.

In the past six years, I've been mostly tolerant of my W. I've been judgmental of her. I've been resentful. I've been self-centered. I've been wishing she would go away. I've been seduced that the grass would be greener with a new person. Yes, I haven't overtly harmed her. I chosen my words and actions carefully, but there hasn't been love in the household. I've been waiting for her to repent, or something not well articulated. I've been working on myself apart from her, but haven't been able to calm the resentment and ill will I had towards her (is there a connection to my back?).

I understand that love isn't going to solve the problems by itself. I understand the imperfections of being human. I understand that people can be wounded and resistant to love. I understand that people can make choices that take them down self-destructive paths. I understand that they may not be ready to receive love. I understand that people can die and do die with unresolved issues. Life was too difficult for them.

I'm working on writing personal essays. One type of essay is the Narration essay. In this type of essay, one writes about what they've lost and subsequently found. In loss, there is rebirth. I think I've found the capacity to love broken people.

"Often it is the dark forest that makes us speak of the open field."

Henri Nouwen

CL

Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 11/07/09 05:20 PM.
CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching