#66 Looking for Susnhine...

[The Wifey]

Kalni, Sunshine Girl,

I took the time to read and catch up. (As usual, I am always behind.)

I have considered everything that has transpired and been said very carefully. What I come up with is that the time for talk/only talk is done. That doesn't mean you need to be or should be done.

There is a really good book called Kicked, Bitten, and Scratched: Life and Lessons at the World's Premier School for Exotic Animal Trainers that came to my mind. Without having to read the book, the essence is this:

When you are training a wild animal, you train and encourage the behaviors/actions you want to see and ignore the ones you don't. No comment, no reaction, quiet, indifferent silence, and the cold shoulder. Trainers will actually turn their back and ignore the animal if they do something other than the expected behavior and make a huge deal of petting and stroking the animal when they do what is expected. (Scolding the animal is itself a reward, because it is attention.)

What I am advocating is this:

You told him what you want - which is all perfectly reasonable - but he is a separate human being from you and he can choose to do as you want, do it differently in a way that you may find is actually better than what you propose, make some changes and expect you to settle, or choose not to make any changes and stick to the "I am who I am" line. (This line usually indicates that the person is afraid, and especially afraid of change.)

What you need to do is stop initiating. Stop initiating the talks, the hugs, the kisses, the cuddling. Go about your day as if you don't want or need those things. Don't ask him to come over, don't keep asking for what he already knows.

Pull back and be busy. Declare your right to want what you want. But do it silently. You are Maria. You are Kalni Sunshine. You want a man to not only say he wants you, but to show it. And, you don't want to have to keep asking. So don't.

Perhaps he will rise to the challenge, perhaps he won't. When he makes a step forward he will get praise, cuddling, kisses, when he stagnates and does nothing he gets the cold, respectful, distant Kalni. You don't need a sex kitten costume to get what you want in the bedroom, either. I secretly think he is afraid of the passion that is inside of you. You are Maria, Kalni Sunshine, you shine and entice and probably scare the H*LL out of the man right now.

No need to expect yourself to make the final decision right now if you are done, or not done. Start today, and keep the faith in yourself that has gotten you this far.

(((Kalni)))