I am strong, but it did not happen over night. I've been at this since June 2nd, 2008. In fact, I would say in my early days I was one of the worst DB'ers that you ever could find. For too long I just looked for things to be all better and for him to "come to his senses," but it just doesn't work like that.
Working on yourself is far more than just a saying, faking it until you get there is key. I have read enough books to open my own library. Of the books I've read, I credit one the most: Life strategies by Phil McGraw. None other than Dr. Phil that I'd previously rejected as a television hack that loved the spotlight. It was written in his pre-Oprah days.
I spent most of the summer reading the book, journaling, and working through the exercises that he had in there. It helped me examine who I really was, what I wanted, what my values were, and what things about me needed to change, and more importantly, which things were just fine the way they were. It helped me to face what is the reality, rather than fight against it. And Lord knows, I did not want to face the fact that my H left and wasn't sure he wanted to be married to me any more.
My life is amazing right now. I never would have imagined that through the greatest challenge and emotionally trying time in my life that I would emerge on the other side and be able to say that. My faith has grown so much, and I have grown so much. Honestly, even food seems to taste better. Rather than rush through life in a blur on auto-pilot, I slow down and experience and feel. When I eat I savor every bite. It is simply amazing to me.
My R with my H is not yet at the piecing stage, but I know it will be. He just needs to do more growing of his own before that will happen. We have time and I have more patience than I ever have in my life.
Thanks, Mnt, for your kind words.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
