Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[confusedinpa]

Sorry to hear that. Didn't know you had a special friend. Hope you can still get that back.

I actually don't think I would want it back other than for the benefits :-p My ex-friend just had too much baggage and drama. I should have known better than to let it get to that point.

My problem was that I believed when my friend said that we would take it really slow as she had been through 2 marriages already (she's only 32) that ended so badly. I was in total agreement, but it's tough when two nites after that conversation she comes into the room and asks "So, are you going to kiss me or what".

Right after that (which was during our first "official" date), she asks if I would ever get married again and if I wanted more kids. A little freaky I thought....

Anyway two days after that, she asks me to stop by her apt on the my way back to NY so we can get to second base. Remember, I'm a guy so I did stop by and we did....

Right after that we broke up because she wasn't sure if she was ready for a relationship. Five days later, we make up for three nites in a row (including her requesting specific toys for the third nite). Two days after that, she said she thinks we should just be friends. Haven't talked to her in a week now.

So, we went too fast and she seemed confused at what she wants (much like most WAW's seem to be). With all my craziness with my WAW, I don't need any more drama. So I really don't think I want her back, other than for the benefits.

In this case, she did remind me, because she would tell me every time we were together, how awesome I am and that I should never forget that. So for that, I am grateful as it makes it easier for me to move forward with my life.

In your case, I think it would have served as a wake up call to your W because she's been very emotional and has always looked at you to validate her sucky life.

If you had shown someone else was interested in you but not really be in your face about it, I think she would have come back.

But if you're like me, you probably would have felt like a hypocrite for doing so. Tough thing to juggle but I think if it helps you one way or the other, you should do it.

I did feel very torn about it, but ultimately, it didn't work out and I knew she was not right for me or my boys long term. Even from the first kiss, I remember thinking how am I going break up with her so that I can go back to Pa and be back with my boys.

Anyway, sorry for the hijack, but back to your situation

I personally don't feel adding fuel to the WAW fire is helpful.

You could accomplish the "jealousy" think just as easily by telling her that you agree that it's time for both of you to move on (which is essentially the same thing as deciding to start dating). I've been toying with how to tell my WAW that without sounding pathetic/weak. I'll post on my thread where I'm at with that. Of course, I'm not doing it as a strategy to get her back, but more to make her face reality. She continues to date others and is very active searching for new people to date. She continues to post on FB how I don't get it and continues to lie to her friends by also posting why she even bothers to continue to try. There quite a few new "guy" friends that post in support of her when she post like that.

Anyway, I do agree with what others have posted for you - do what you are comfortable with. I wish I was as strong as you to resist the temptation (really tough when she's laying in bed of my hotel room when I checked in - don't ask how she was able to check in before I got there) so that we could have stayed at the flirty friend stage. We could still be having a lot of fun in that dance.

Stay the enlightened man brother.