Not sure what to do

[stu321]

I plan on going out tonight to get drunk. I know getting drunk is not what I should be doing, but I really need to not think about things.

[mscanlon]

Don't give ultimatums!!! Done that - failed miserably!!! I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with some of the others - The Five Love Languages - Great Book!!! Read it.

[stu321]

I know I shouldn't, but I'm really struggling at the moment.

[mscanlon]

You should go have a couple beers. You don't have to get trashed. Just take the edge off. Or head to a book store and get some more books to help you through... I have posted to others and will post to you as well:

I would start a journal so that every day, you can list things that you are thankful for, listing all the 180's you plan to do for yourself in the front and then daily the steps you have taken to follow through on those. Track your eating/exercise. All that stuff.

Maybe in the front of the notebook, create a "vision board" type collage (have you read or watched The Secret?) of all the things you want in your future - so that you are forced to look at it daily and focus positive thoughts and energy in that direction. Maybe a picture of your family happy, the home you want, some dollar signs for continued wealth, etc. Go to the bookstore and get yourself a nice Moleskin notebook that is only for you.

Stay strong and focused!!!

[bluerain]

I hope that you had fun tonight stu! Let the hotties ogle you!

I do think that you should go on as a single-ish man. That is what detaching is about. I dont mean that you should go out and date, but you should go on as a man who is okay, and who is going to be okay no matter what happens. You are setting an example for you kid(s) here, you can teach them great things about the value of personal strength and coping here, and more importantly about the value of marriage and family.

Why cant you move into a house without showers? You can go to the gym or the local pool to take showers. Im in Alaska, tons of people here dont have any plumbing!

[stu321]

I guess I could, need to get a few more things done first.

I'll be seeing w in about an hour when I drop our son off, and then on Tuesday. We are seeing the accountant to do our taxes. Then again on Thursday night for councelling.

I'm trying to put myself in a good frame of mind for this afternoon. If she invites me, I'm going to say that I need to go cause I'm running late (which I will be). Might make her think a bit, not that I want to play mind games, I just want her to think if me and wonder what I'm doing. Is that a wise thing to do or should I go in for a few minutes ?

[Serenity13]

If she invites me, I'm going to say that I need to go cause I'm running late (which I will be).

This is exactly what you want to do - Create mystery

Good luck and have fun - Don't drink & drive though and don't get plastered - The same things will be there tomorrow and adding a hangover is no fun at all

[stu321]

Not planning on driving. Just a few drinks to get a bit tipsy. Have to work at the house tomorrow. Just cleaning up after the tradies.

Creating mystery, that's exactly what I want to do. Well put.

Serenity, I like your signature. I think alot of people make that mistake in relationships. Hollywood seems to portray something that rarely happens. I wonder what would happen with relationships if they showed exactly what happens during seperation or divorce ?

[Lost Rabbit]

Hi Stu,

Hope you didnt give yourself a headache last night? and that you have managed to get through all the chores you had planned today!

It is hard getting started on this DB route and having no place to really call home a the moment cant be helping. Like mscanlon said go out and do things as if youre single, start GAL again, I know the house has to be finished but you also need to work on yourself and getting your own PMA back in order is imperative to help the acting "as if"

Just going to the gym a couple of times a week will lift your spirits and now youre coming into some lovely weather out there (Im horribly jealous we are just getting into full winter here) even a nice run/walk round the block.

Try and read a few sitchs on here its great for ideas and also some of them will give you a great laugh, there are some really kind and funny people on here.

Well by now that grass should be cut and looking fab, so go clean up and go out and enjoy yourself hun!

[stu321]

Hi all,

Saw w today (Sunday). She came to the house to clean up inside. I had already done upstairs before she got there. We prettymuch stayed out of each others way. Today was the day she was supposed to give me an answer as to whether she had decided to end it or not. D day. Bad pun, I know.

No mention of anything which I'm not surprised at considering she has scheduled councelling for us this Thursday. We didn't talk about our relationship. We just got busy cleaning.

When we were done, I said bye to her and our son and left.
She wad upstairs in our bathroom looking over our land and watching the horses next door. We have 1 hectare. She seemed to be just taking it in. Nit sure what she was thinking, but as others have said "you can't read her mind"

I was a but put off today cause she was nagging about a few things with the house (why was this done this way etc). On the way back to my sisters, I rememberd michelles post about waw. If she is nagging, thank her. It means she still cares. So at least I know she still cares about the house. She can't afford it without my wage, so she wouldn't be able to keep it if we got divorced. (unless her mum sells her house and she moves in with w. That thought us always in my mind).

Anyway, I won't be seeing w until Thursday now. Tax return appointment got cancelled today. Our accountant is sick which is probably a good thing. More time for db'ing. ( even though I don't know as much as I should about it. Dr hasn't arrived yet, but I get the just of it from friends in this fthread, and reading other peoples posts. )

while I hanvt db'd yet, I think if we get another chance, it will be different this time round.