Not sure what to do

[stu321]

Thanks.
Having a bad day today. I hate these ups and downs. One minute I want it to work, the next I think "what's the point".

I keep thinking about christmas, and what it would be like not being there when my son wakes up and is excited that Santa came and watching him open his presents. Don't want to do the "she has him in the morning and I do in the afternoon" thing.

Not sure if I can wait till Thursday for the councelling session. I know it's only 5 days away, but the silence about our m is killing me. She said she would meet me there on Thursday.

The longer this goes on, the more inclined I am to just get on with my life as if I were single again. Can't handle not having a home and I mean a home, not just somwhere I am staying until she is ready. I feel lost. She told me that the showers in our house won't go in until early dec, so I won't be able to move into that until at least then. I feel like just giving her an ultimatum.

My son means the world to me and I love seeing and spending time with him, but it makes it so much harder to not think about things. Things that I will miss if she decides to end it.

Sorry, but I'm just using this post to try to let things out rather than speaking to w. I'll probably say something that I would regret.