My sit is like most other post I have read here. it all begane july 3rd. I had taken the week of work after the 4th of july planing on having a great week. with friends and family. We have for the last several year had a big celebration with fireworks, a D.J. and lots of friends and neighbors over to enjoy the 4th. Our next door neighbor always has a lot of his family visit during this week. We live on a lake and always have a lot of fun. however this year I could tell there was something wrong with my wife the night before the 4th. She was in our bedroon crying and i went and ask her what was wrong that is when I got the ILYBNILWY speach. I was devasted and sugested we go se a MC but she said she would not, that it would only make things worse. She said she wanted a seperation and that she wanted me to stay at her mother's house when her mother went back to her home in MI. W said she had changed and was not happy any more being married to me. I asked her if she thought we could work it out and all she would say was I don't know. So what was supposed to be a great week turned out to be the worst week of my life. So during the next week I made all the mistakes other people seem to make in this situation- following my wife around, asking if she has changed her mind, buying her flowers all the pursuing behavier. One evening we were talking about the situation again and she said we could get a divorce and still be friends afterwards,that we could split custody of the kids 50/50 and no one would have to pay child support. I told my wife I did not want to get divorced and if we did I did not think I could be friendly about it. I also got mad and told her that if she wanted a seperation she could move in to her mom's house. She then said in that case we could go ahead and get divorce lawyers and get a divorce so I ageed to move to her moms house in a couple of weeks when her mom went back to MI. I was determined to save our marraige so I wrote W a letter saying I was sorry for the things i had done wrong and not showing her the afection that she had said I had quit showing her. Also said that I knew that things had been tough for us the last few years but i thought they would get better and I had looked foward to growing old with her and that she was the love of my life. I told my wife that it would be best for the kids if we stayed married. She had said in one of our previous discussion it would be better for the kids if we divorced because they knew we were not happy together. Anyway the next morning she had left me a letter in responce to my letter saying basicly the marraige was over and she wanted a divorce. She also had left a letter that she had written me in 2002 saying she was unhappy that I had completly forgotten about. In 2002 letter she had said she had had to be the one that took care of everything when her dad had died and her brotherinlaw had died,that she had not had time to grieve because her mother expected her to handle every thing. She also said that she was tired of her sister living with us and wanted her to move out. She said that she felt like a fith wheel in the relationship between me and our son and that she felt that I would rather spend time with her sister than with her. I can't remember exactly how I had responded to this letter but I do know that we had her sister move out shortly after this. Also shortly after this we adopted our secound child, a little girl , and that was quite an adventure as her mother had been on heroin and another couple had backed out when they found this out. So we were happy for a time when the adoption was done, however it was some hard times as well because our adoptive daughter had heroin in her system when she was born and she did not sleep very well at night. so one of us was up with her pretty much every night. Then about 3 years later W decided we should have a pool put in and remodel the house. So we had pool put in and the house was remodeled on the outside mostly. So over the next 3 -4 years I was working on the house with my next door neighbors help. We did every thing from tearing the old roof off and putting a higher pitch roof back on to a front porch that runs the length of the house with a screen porch on the side of the house, also put new siding on the house,put a roof over a deck to make it a porch on the back of the house, built 2 new decks one with a fire pit and then relandscaped the whole yard. After the outside was done i started inside upstairs where I turned 2 bedrooms, 2 closets and a hallway into one big bedroom, 1 big closet a smaller closet and a linnen closet. I did all the work myself except for electrical. All of this was completed in june 2008 and every thing seemed to be fine between me and W during this time. However we were in realy deep dept. Wife has always handled finances and when ever I asked whether we could aford a new phase of renovation she would say we could. We even refinanced during all the work because we had maxed all the credit cards and put credit card dept into house morgage. I told W that we needed to cut up all the credit cards so we would not get in such dept again, she agreed. However credit cards were not cut up , we are back in bigger dept than ever before and I started seing credit card bills with my name on them that I had not applied for. WE went through almost a year were I was just finding out how bad the dept was but W was getting depresses because she did not know what to do about it, Colection agencies were calling our work and our home. W hired a law firm that was suposed to deal with the colection agencies and all calls were suposed to go to them. we decide W would get part time job because she is in health care field and she could make alot more money than me.W already makes about 3 times what I make at our reagular jobs. Anyway now W wants divorce, already had divorce papers drawn up and gave them to me Oct 23. I told her i would not sign them until some things wer changed, she got furius about this. Last week she sent e-mail wanting both of us to file backrupcy seperately and get a divorce after bankrupcy. I have an appointment with lawyer I have been seeing on monday. I know this is a long post and ther is alot more information I need to share and probably some unneeded information but I need some advise. I have read DR and also went through 9 sesions with DB coach[last was over a month ago]can't afford any more right now. There is very little communicatiom between me & W right now. She keeps kids for a week then I have them for a week. I really do miss my W and I really do love her and would give any thing in the world to make this work out. I am posting at work and probably cant post again until monday because computer at home died. Anyone with advise and questions please respond. It really seams like my wife hates me now,I know I have made some mistakes in the marraige and probably haven't given my wife the love and support she needed But I think it is sad to throw our marraige away because of this with out even trying to work things out. I don't know if their is OM involved,I have had suppision about this but can't prove anything. someome please help. thanks for listening ME-48 W-45 S17 D7 Married 20
