I know I have been trying to hit this early on... but looking on the inside I realize how damaged I am, and how much needs to be repaired... not just from this bomb but years of losing myself and who I once was, feeling lost. I think that once I get through that only then can I start turning things around... for the past few months I was thinking what was going on in my life, how I wasn't happy with myself or my life. (I was happy with my marriage just not myself). Just like the dream I had about pursuing music for example, I have always wanted to do that but felt it wasn't important and that it would never happen. I changed so much about myself that I lost who I really was... I think I could honestly say that I am searching for some identity
2oc, I know where you're coming from, I hear alot of what you say and remember the guy I was for such a long time.
So do you wallow in sorry & self-pity until you're ready to get off your a$$.
If this were a band-aid, would you peel it off slowly (taking into account it's been on for a month and you put in on a very hairy portion of your chest) and just take the pain slowly and each moment while you're slowly pulling off that band-aid you agonize & sweat over it and even considering putting the band-aid back on and try again later? Or do you grit your teeth and just GIVE 'ER! Rip that thing off, let out a yelp and feel better afterwards?
Your choice.
I will remind you that you are choosing to do what you have always done - SUFFER SILENTLY.
Yup that's you, the silent sufferer. Never willing to make waves, just be happy with what you've got, you should be thankful for your lot in life.
Or do you take responsibility for your actions. Yes your wife has caused you some grief with these recent relationship revelations but you have alot of responsibility in this. All that silent suffering over the years has made you very attractive, you thought you hid it but you didn't and your wife didn't want to be around that anymore but since she was part of that pain, how dare she leave now, and what happened to "for better for worse"?!
No more slow, silent suffering. It just sucks.
You lost yourself, you have the gift of finding yourself now. You know where you are, you hit the bottom. Good news though. Only direction available when you hit the bottom is UP!
You feel that "once you get through that and only then can you start turning things around" - you would think so but that kind of misery & suffering is self serving. You're not going to want to let go of that pain, it's who you are, you can't let it go, if you let it go, you have nothing to show for all these painful years. You want to hold on to that pain, it's your badge of honor, your war scars, etc.
Or you can do the counter-intuitive thing (you'll hear me use that term only a billion times around here) and let go of the pain. It's only comfortable to hold on to that pain because it's all you've known with all those years of slowly silently suffering. You're comfortable with it, it's what you know, you don't want to get out of that rut because you're comfortable with being stuck in it.
That's not comfort, trust me. It's just that's all you've known and you need to start learning differently.
Self-pity and all this pain are only going to re-inforce this theme of low self-esteem, low self-value and low self-confidence and you really need to turn this around if you want to turn this marriage thing around.
Seriously don't make me waste all this effort on you typing, you're giving me carpel tunnel syndrome.
Get off your butt, go somewhere, scream your head off, get angry, have your cry (not in front of her though) and let it all out, give yourself this weekend to do this and then enough of this pity party because we have plans to turn this thing around, the new direction remember?
