What's keeping both of you from going all in on a reconciliation? Your issues with the M and his.
What hole were you trying to fill by spending all that money?
Why does he live with his Mom?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.