I totally agree with everything you tell me...I just don't get why I can't totally let go...I want to, but something in me just won't let go..I try to think of him as being deceased, I haven't even seen him since July..
It's just weird to me that our 30 years has just blown away with the wind..like he's been with OW for all those years and I'm the outsider now. And yes there is ALOT I would love to say to him but I'm coming here instead...I don't want to make it worse. I just want him out of my head. That is the part I'm having trouble with. I am GAL..and I'm having fun but he's always lurking around in my head..
I actually cried last night because I was lying in bed alone, and lonely...no one to talk to...that's the part I truly hate. I miss even that little bit we talked. It's just sad that's all...
Just came by to vent....I'll be okay...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I know Im not physically alone...just feels like it sometimes...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, Maybe you are trying too hard to detach and too quickly. It's a slow process and one that will take place in its own time. Instead of trying to detach quickly, just let things flow and you find things of interest to keep you busy. One day, you will wake up and everything will have fallen into place w/o you even trying.
Also, you have children that tend to make detachment rather tough when it comes to your h. That's why it's important not to expect anything from him at all. In time, if your expectations stay at zero and you do not expect or rely on him for anything, the detachment will take place. You are still expecting and relying on him for things when it comes to your son. It's understandable, because he was your h for many years and was there for your family as well. However, he's gone, making a new life for himself and you and your family are no where to be found in his life right now. So, you need to let him go and carve out a new life w/o him. You will find a way...we all do....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly....I think maybe you're right....I'm trying so hard to get him out of my head instead of grieving like I should be.. I know I am stronger if only just a little...I keep telling myself it will all get better in time... I am crying less...that's good but when I do cry it's harder..does that make sense..and more intense. Like today....my H and I still have a joint checking account that bills are paid out of and every time I look at the statement H has used his debit card somewhere close to OW's home..it's a different city (45 mins from us)....he knows he's doing it...I think he actually does it on purpose because he knows it gets to me...it hurts...but I don't say anything...I just get tears in my eyes because it's a constant reminder...he doesnt have to go to places there but he does...insert knife and twist.... I know you are all right and your advice is great...that's why I come here most of the time before I let anything slip out onto him...I try to tell myself it doesnt matter, but it does...the holidays are coming and I'm having my family over for Thanksgiving...1st time since all this happened...I just haven't been able to be around all the family stuff...everyone has a partner....but I'm biting the bullett and showing everyone I can do this...alone if I have to...I'm gonna prove it to myself...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, You cannot "assume" that he's using the ATM close to where the ow lives to stick the knife in and turn it against you. He may be going to an ATM that is convenient for him at that time and most likely hasn't given any thought to what his actions are doing to you. They do not think.
I think it's a wonderful idea that you are hosting Thanksgiving this year. New traditions and yes, doing something totally different. Don't worry about everyone having someone w/them....you have them all right there on your side. I know you can do this...you just have to convince yourself and drop the rope a bit...you are still holding on to it far too tightly.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I guess I'm thinking they have a brain but you're right...they don't...he probably isn't thinking at all....it's whatever is making him happy at the time..
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I am so proud of you! Having family for Thanksgiving!
My 1st Thanksgiving without my H my son invited some of his friends and it did help. The next one my H was invited but he decided to spend the nite with the ow and my son told him not to even think of coming over. I mean all he11 broke loose!
It ended up being me, D and S. You know what I had the best time! Like Snodderly says, new traditions are good for you. Don't worry about everyone having a partner. I bet you will have a blast!!
