I don't have children myself but I do understand to some extent the pain of parents divorcing for a child. I was in my late teens when my parents divorced and it was confusing for me so I cant imagine what it must feel like to a 5yo.
That being said you have to consider what sort of precedent and example you are setting FOR your little girl. Do you want her to think it is okay for a married couple to sleep in separate rooms, live together in the same house and date? Is that how you want her views of marriage and partnership to be shaped? She may only be 5 but children have amazing powers of observation and while she might view things in a simplistic way she *will* begin to think this is how marriage works.
My parents had marriage issues my entire life and to be it was normal for a married couple to behave as my parents did. In fact, when I would be at friends houses who had "normal" parents it seemed odd to me. So your daughter may go through some initial heartbreak and there is counseling for that but you must consider the long term damage to her views on marriage, respect and partnerships.
All WAS's are selfish. It doesn't matter what is at stake... children, money, a family, a home.... they don't care.
I went hardcore on my H once he dropped the bomb and I found out about his affair. Like Robx, I helped him pack his things and sent him on his way. When he came over one day FOUR hours late and watched the clock until it was time to go meet his GF that was the end of him being allowed in MY home. When he put me on hold to take a call from his GF that ended him be allowed to CALL ME and he was regulated to e-mail only that I responded to at my leisure.
Now, I have been in my situation for close to 2 years and the legalities were supposed to be done on 10/30/09 but as per usual my H put a wrench in that at the 11th hour. So my stance is not quite as pain filled as it used to be. But even when I was in a state of shock and filled with pain and more anger than I have EVER experienced in my life I made myself perfectly clear.
A WAS who is involved with an OP should be given NO leeway IMO. You want out and you want OP, fine, go have him/her but you wont be doing it under MY roof and you will accept the full consequences of your actions. That doesn't mean you should be ugly, unkind, threatening or anything else unpleasant. It means you need to be firm and unwavering in the most polite and civil fashion possible.
I am about to go hardcore again as I have an appt. with my attny at 3pm. My WAS who has now been having an affair for 20 months will no longer call the shots legally or emotionally for me.
Hardcore doesn't suggest being nasty. Its to take control of your life because I for one will NOT allow my WAS and his GF to continue to wreak havoc on MY life. They can go play all they like but in the meantime *I* will handle this properly for ME.
A WAS in an affair will throw more BS, excuses, justifications and cliches than you ever thought possible to come from one human being. In fact, its rather impressive what they can come up with.
You don't have to be done but you do have to change how you approach things.
Listen to this woman, she's a "city girl", she knows what she's talking about!
