"don't they go to and stay overnight with their mother and he is there also?
do you have it in you to say, This contact between OM and the boys has got to stop! DO you realize the confusing message you are sending to them? I would prefer that they were affected in the least as we work through our marital problems."
Yes he is there every night. She is aware of the anguish in the boys, and sees the messages are wrong. But the difficulty is that she has only 2 options;
Come home - in my earlier post she said that it still stings (!) Stay at her brothers.
Thats it.
He has 2 options; Sleep on the streets - like I would care!
Sleep on the couch at the WAW's brothers.
Thats it.
I would gladly tell her 'Zero contact between the boys and the OM'. But it would not happen as they have zero other options and are on the same course together. Also it would on create a lot of anger and widen the seperation at a time where she has no anger for me and we are connecting more.
Trust me I could easliy demand the zero connection boundary. I have to control upto 50 staff at work and enforce both my will and instuctions upon them. I am not unafraid of grabbing my nuts and enforcement. I feel upon reflection that I must show and give her what she feels is missing in our R. I think that your kind advice is an action I would like to enforce, but would not be appropriate and would drive her away and towards a D.
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
