Question

[Lucky11too]

She asked why I am allowing this, and I said to protect S. As long as he is not paying, but not asking to see S, that is ok with me because then I know S is protected with me. It is if H starts asking to see S that I will have to take the next step, but right now he may pay.

Wow. That’s definitely where my mind is too. Most people don’t get this. That is one of my greatest fears about D. CA is a no fault state, so unless I can somehow show that H is a danger to S or himself (which is very difficult to do), he’ll get at least partial custody. And that seriously scares me. He is not a good father. Yes, he loves S a lot, but he is selfish. He doesn’t look at what is in the best interests of S – he just acts. It almost “works” right now b/c H just comes over for a few hours a week when he feels like it and that’s it. No overnights. Nothing. If it wasn’t for the money issues, I could let it ride like this forever. Well I guess not really – limboland is still not an easy place to be in.

He is self-centered and everything has to make him feel good or he won't be into it, which is why he won't "save" S and myself because he will have to do it and get nothing from it to begin with. He will have to either sacrifice the relationship with OW in hopes of being happy with me and S, or give money which he gets nothing for.

I hope these H’s can figure out their priorities sooner rather than later. I don’t know if it’s just because they are still young and immature or what. For me, when my S was born, it wasn’t about me anymore – it was about my S and I know I would do anything for my S. How could these H’s let their own flesh and blood go so easy, for their own selfish reasons? Well, I think it’s good that we understand this that way we can manage our expectations of them for the time being. We should be able to expect more out of them as fathers, but that’s something they’ll have to discover on their own journey.