W wants to separate

[notagoodlistener]

Thanks HBH. I wish you well and have been reading along your thread as well. At one point I did feel little ganged up on, but realized it was just the feeling of the truth hurting.

Just making a couple updates for today.

I forgot to add before that my W told me that she called her mom and told her that she cheated on me. Originally, I think she didn't want anyone knowing out of embarassment but felt like she had to come clean. I inquired as to the reaction a little and I was proud of her for telling her mom. Her mom was really dissapointed in her apparantly...I've yet to speak to her about it. Moving on...

I brought home dinner for W and the babysitter (a friend of ours, one of her close friends). We both had a brutally long day at work and got home around 8:30. We ate and all 3 of us sort of had some deep talks about our lives and our friends issues too with her BF. Our friend said at one point "who is this guy? you seem different...". Made me feel pretty good. My W was saying how she told her how I have been really different. It was positive. After friend left we got into an unproductive argument that was mostly instigated by me and the perpetuated by her getting defensive. I won't get into details but I was making her feel guilty about cheating. We were both tired and it was stupid and escalated because neither of us backed down. Finally, I just said stop, I don't want to fight with you, I didn't mean for my words to be received the way you've processed them, we are both tired, I'm sorry for instigating this and I just want to go to bed in a more positive place than being in this unproductive argument. She said sorry too and we just let it go.

Woke up. Had a good workout and was feeling good. On the way back I picked her up a drink she likes from the gas station and some lame roses they sell there for fun. They were still sleeping when I got back (rare for D nowadays). I got ready and then when they were up I gave her the flowers and her drink and it just immediately lit her up and then she quickly made fun of me for giving her gas station flowers, but I know she liked it.
She asked me where I wanted to go out tonight since she booked the babysitter and cancelled her plans. I said I wasn't sure yet. We got close for awhile and were kissing and hugging for a few minutes. She asked if I could "work from home". Unfortunately, not today. She said "hopeful and optimistic" were her emotions to share with me this AM as per MC orders. I said happy, she said, "what? horny?". I laughed but it is true and she probably just knows how I am...anyway, I left after that.

She called me just a little bit ago to tell me our maintenance guy cancelled today...whatever I don't care. I just like to talk to her. She told me some stuff D was doing. I asked about her workout and she talked about it for a couple minutes and about someone else in the gym. Then she asked if I got her note and I was like what are you talking about. She told me to check my ba and it was a picture D made and she wrote on it to "Have a good day. We love you! xoxox". She used to do things like that all the time for me. She always wanted me to be more thoughtful and I see her trying to reciprocate now she notices I'm trying to change. Anyway, I told her that I probably could have gotten away working from home and she was saying "I told you...can you leave early and come walk with us around town". I want to. Not sure I can...feels good just to be asked though.


....anyway, enough of the play by play. Sorry for the long rambling posts...I type too fast. I'm just starting to notice things I never noticed before and think about things that I never cared about...been feeling better lately. Hoping for a good night out with W tonight. We haven't gone out alone since a little before the bomb and I have to say, I'm sort of nervous like I'm going out on a first date or something...probably sounds lame. I can tell she's been thinking about too because ever since she cancelled her plans a couple days ago she has brought it up a few times...

anyway, happy friday to whoever happens to read this