Can I save my marriage?

[Lll54]

You guys all seem to be in such a better place than me. I hear what you all say. And believe me, I wake up every morning trying to battle all my wrongs. I read on here and see so many of you saying the right things, giving me advice and its all true and meaningful to me. I have such a battle with patience, I have such a battle with expectations. Its a battle I see myself fighting for a while. I am stronger in that I'm finding it easier to be alone, I'm much stronger in that i don't cry everyday anymore. But I am just having a hard time finding the strength to be patient. I know it will come, it may be too late. But I'm trying. The hardest part is that I may not only be annoying all of you, and my sister and my best friend. But I'm annoying myself. My head hurts every minute of everyday. Its a battle going on inside me that I can't seem to win. My mind is full of over analyzing, over thinking, over expecting, over hoping, over wishing. I've got to find some way to get over this if its the last thing I do. Sometimes I compare it to a regular breakup. Which is so much easier cause you don't have to see them anymore, and know what they are doing on a daily basis. I hate having to see him 3 times a week and I know what he is doing every single day! Tonight he is going to a big work function and I will be home with the boys. Nothing aggravates me more than that. But tonight, I'm not going to think about what he is doing, I'm just going to have a good night with my boys.

I'm sorry to whoever I have annoyed. I feel ya! Ha Ha. I need to start this over and I'm going to start today. So much for not crying everyday...hehe...Have a good day everyone.