I have not posted in a long time but your post caught my eye. And I truly feel for you. And I have walked a mile in your shoes. And I can tell you this. You have earned your way out of the marriage. If he truly didn't want the marriage to end - he would have to making many permanent changes that he is obviously unwilling or unable to make.
My ex often felt he wasn't a good father. He left 8 years ago and although he maintained contact with the kids (weekly visitation with youngest), their R is not good to this day. Due to OW, they have never been to his house nor gone on vacation with him. It is usually an hour visit and for my older kids - a couple of times a year. Christmas is an hour in a restaurant or in the car.
Get yourself ready financially. Consult a lawyer. Make sure you are clear on your options and split when it is the best time for you and your child. Legally he has a right to see his child. He also has a legal responsibility to pay support. You need to get this established right off the bat. For her sake - I hope he does continue to see her - but custody? Not likely.
Your ex is immature and selfish and alcohol is playing a big part in this too. I know all about it. At 56 my ex has still not grown up. we married young and I couldn't see it at 20 but more than 30 years later it is very unattractive.
And trust that life will go on. I tried for a LONG time to save my marriage. When I finally gave up and moved on I ended up with a full and rich life. I met someone new. I have a great R with my children. And my life was NOT over. It just took a new turn. And yours will too.
