Trying to save my M. W not really trying though.

[etrain]

Yeah, it's out of our control. I just feel bad for him. If there's an "innocent victim" in all of this, it's our son.

He'll get used to me taking him to daycare 1/2 the time. W had been doing it his entire life since it's so close to where she works...so I'm sure they have some sort of "routine". Now S & I will have our own routine.

I can deal with my own emotions of missing my son. It was seeing him upset that really got to me this morning.

[pitinmygut]

I could only imagine. My son isn't old enough to realize what is happening yet, so at least I don't have to be concerned about his emotions for now.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It was awesome to pick up my S from daycare & have him stay with me. He seems to be doing well & was acting like his 'normal' self last night.

He had one moment this morning when I was dropping him off at daycare when he got a really sad look on his face and said, "I miss mommy." I mean, what do you say to that???

Ouch. What CAN you say, other than "I know, I do too. But we'll be okay, I promise. This is NOT your fault; we both love you, very much."

Puppy

[Virtually_Handsome]

Moments like that make me even more angry at W for giving up on our family. So selfish.

I understand why you would feel this way.

But.

If that's the feeling you are wearing on your sleeve, you are shooting anything else you are doing squarely in the foot.

I'm not saying the WAs are right. But, from their point of view, they don't have have choice. It isn't easy for them. They feel, for whatever reason, thay they've been backed into a corner, and that they have had their lives taken from them. Do you think these parents want to leave their kids? (OK, some of them do, but I think they are the minority.) Do you think they want to hurt their kids? They don't want to do this, largely. They are hurting. They don't show it the same way, but I'm sure it's true.

There's no question that they could make better choices. But dwelling on what they are doing, playing the blame game, isn't going to get you anywhere. On top of all that, I am pretty sure the kids pick up on it, too. So, on top of everything else, you are having a negative impact on their relationship with their other parent.

It's not just you, etrain, I've been getting this vibe from several posters lately. The pity party, woe is me, it's their fault thing isn't DBing, and it isn't going to make you happy, or save your marriage.

OK, I feel better now.

[etrain]

It's how I feel & I use this forum to express feelings I keep to myself in the "real world".

Believe me, I'm acting "as if", not contacting W, detaching, GAL'ing, & being the best dad I can be. I've completely come to grips with the probability that my M will end in D.

But I still feel. I still remember W giving no effort in MC. I still remember how I felt when I found the condoms hidden in my W's car. I still remember how I felt when I found out about W's date with OM. Those feelings are still there & I honestly don't think our M can be saved. Maybe I'll eventually get past these feelings. I don't know.

I just know that I'm moving on w/ my life. No matter how I feel, I'll never say one bad thing about W in front of my S. His happiness is all that matters to me right now.

But do I blame W for most of what has happened? I sure do. She chose to have an A & walk out on her family instead of trying to work things out. Whatever her intent was, she is still reponsible for her actions & the impact those actions have had on our family.
I'm already getting over what she's done to ME. But I'm not sure I'll ever get over the fact that her actions resulted in my S being shuttled back & forth between 2 homes...and me only seeing my S 1/2 the time.

[Ready2Change]

Hey etrain,

It is OK to feel however you feel. That is normal. My feelings follow my thoughts. I have learned to change my thoughts, which in turn changes my feelings, which in turn changes my behavior. It has taken hard work, but was worth it. I stay in the present as much I can. If I think about the past, it is to bring up good feelings, to change my current behavior.

I also believe that it is important to feel the victim. It is also very good to then let it go. We have a choice between living in a victim conscious or responsible conscious world. I am responsible for all my choices and the consequences of those choices. I feel I am making better choices now than before the bomb.

Just some ideas to think about.

[etrain]

I hear you, R2C. I'm just not there yet. Maybe my sitch is too new. I'm still at the anger stage.

[etrain]

Well, I've had our S since Wednesday & W hasn't made any effort to have any of the 'visits' we agreed on. We thought it might make his transition a little easier if he got to see both of us most days. I visited him at her apt on Monday & it went well.

I'm not sure if I should mention anything to W. Personally, I don't want to see her...and I really don't want her to think that I want the visits to see her. I just want to make things easier on our S.

[etrain]

Well, I didn't mention anything about the visits & neither did W. I guess she's too busy enjoying her newfound 'freedom' to visit her son.
I'm having a great time with my S. What a great kid! It's too bad I only have him until this evening. Then not again until Wednesday.

I have plans to go out with friends tonight. It should be awesome! Still keeping myself busy. There's plenty to do around the house.

[etrain]

Journaling: Today begins week 2 of our S. Still lots to do around the house so that's keeping me occupied. The "visits" never materialized. I went over to W's place once to see my S. She never visited him on the days he was staying w/ me. So much for that.
I had a fun time w/ my friends on Saturday night. I'm really trying to make sure I have plans for EVERY Saturday night so I'm not sitting at home alone.

I'm a little down this morning. During the drive to work, this thought popped into my head....Being married to me was so bad that my W was willing to cash in 1/2 of her retirement, move into a small 2 bedroom apartment, & only see her son 1/2 the time...just so she could get out. Now that's bad.
I hate it when my mind wanders like that.
Blaming myself...BAD. Feeling sorry for myself...BAD.
Ugh.